Good Morning guys and gals! So sorry it's been a few days since I've updated and I know I promised this post a while ago. Between meetings and conventions, my job is crazy! Anyway I have time this morning to finally answer your questions! A while ago I'd ask everyone to send their questions in for me about being a step parent. Whether you've been a step parent for a while or you're engaged to someone and about to take on that role. So here are the questions and my answers!
1. What do you love about being a step mom?
I love the kids. That sounds really cliche but I really do love my step daughters. I've known Ashley since she was four months old so we have a different kind of bond. She's always ever known just mommy, daddy and Kristen.That's a normal thing to create that tight bond with me just because she was so young. Leigha and I were also really close for the most part ( I know I probably just created a shit storm with that one ) but it's true. We hung out a lot and did a lot of things together because we had her all the time when her mom wasn't around. I love being able to bond with the girls and have time with them individually. I love watching them grow and learn and become little women. It's kind of amazing to have such a bond with little humans I didn't create. But that's a family :)
2. What do you hate about being a step mom?
The drama. We don't have any with Becky and Tammy but Leighas family is definitely drama. Tammy and Becky took time to get to know and form a relationship with but we all had the same idea in mind. We all wanted what was best for the girls. We had to feel each other out and get to know one another. I hate that pit in your stomach that you get when you have to meet a parent and you KNOW it's going to be drama for nothing. That's probably the hardest part of being a step parent is finding that happy point in co parenting where everyone just gets along. The drama will cause damage to your marriage, to your other children and to your home. We kept Ashley out of the mix for a reason. Me and Tammy sat down as Ashleys moms and decided we didn't want her involved in unnecessary drama regarding Leighas family. We have to protect our family and that's how we decided. We always try to keep the drama to a minimum but what are you gonna do you know? Just be prepared for it and try to ride the waves the best you can.
3. Is there anything about your life as a step mom you wish other people could understand?
I think people take step mom and kind of turn it into a less important role. I had to cope with the fact that I may be raising children but I'm not their mother. That helped a lot and the faster you can comprehend that the easier it will be. But at the same time you ARE a member of a household this child lives in therefore don't feel bad when you make rules for your home. Our rules for the girls are pretty consistent in all homes except for one. I wish people would understand how hard it is to be a step parent and have to share finances and decisions with other women. This isn't the fairy tale people think it is, and it's a lot harder than it looks.
4. What would be of particular help to you if you could have it?
I think it would be helpful if parents were able to sit down and have open communication once in a while. I know that it's abnormal for people to get along co parenting but I wish that could be easier. With Ashley and Brianna we touch base with their moms at least once a week. We talk about school, personalities, friends, clashes, behavior. Even if it's not face to face we have that open communication so if anyone ever felt slighted or hurt we would feel open to talk about it. I wish every relationship could be like that, communication seems to help a lot. I think if people had to own up to decisions they made and knew they had to own up to them it would be different. I think if I could particularly have open communication with everyone it would be great. As a matter of fact I ordered Brianna flip flops from old navy the other day and text Becky to let her know I sent them to her house. I do the same with Ashley all the time and I remember thinking "I wish I could do this with Leigha". I can call those moms and ask all kinds of questions and they appreciate that we go above and beyond for the kids. But because of that situation with Leigha we can't go above and beyond for her. That's really hard, and that's where I wish we could start open communication. All best for the child :)
5. If you could go back would you choose a different life?
Absolutely not. I've been married for almost two years and my husband and I were together for a year before that. Life has been pretty rocky from the beginning just because of the lifestyle that was at hand. But I knew who he was from the beginning and I think I've done pretty well forming and bonding relationships with everyone. I think I probably would have made different choices because I know better now. I wouldn't have allowed myself to be manipulated by someone because I gave them the benefit of the doubt. I think I would have kept the guard up on my family a little higher because of the situations that were created. But I wouldn't have not chosen my family. I love those girls and my husband and the two moms I get along with. I would choose to make different decisions regarding relationships but I would still love my to have my family.
6. Do you try to model your relationship with your husband for your kids?
This one took me a few readings to understand but I get it now. Yes. We do model a healthy marriage for our step kids because we want them to know what marriage is. It's not all glitter and unicorns and there are times where you have to discuss things and make hard decisions. But we also want them to see their dad dancing with me in the kitchen, and hugging me and kissing me. Lots of times Ashley sees this and immediately wants to be a part of it. We want them to know that marriage is supposed to be loving and committed. We want them to see a healthy marriage and not men fleeting in and out of a household. We want them to respect themselves and their relationships. We want them to do better than we did :)
So this is all I have for today, I'll update again in a few weeks with some more questions :) Now I'm off to work for the day on this rainy morning! Everyone stay dry and I'll catch up with you later!
Kristen
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