Do you ever sit down by yourself in a quiet house and just think "how the hell did I get here?". If you told me five years ago I'd be married to a man and have three step daughters I would have laughed right in your face! Before I met Michael I was 25, super awesome, went out all the time, did whatever I wanted to do. I didn't want a man, I didn't want the drama, I didn't want any nonsense other than the crap I brought on myself. And then that fateful date in April he looked up and smiled at me. and i was done for! Dang! I sat on my couch last night in my Victorias secret sleep shirt, eating my salad (which I'm sick of) and just thought about how different life may have been if I had chosen different. And how different a Step mom is VS a Step dad. A man comes into a womans life and all of a sudden he's the hero! He's saved her from loneliness and being a single mom. Well, what the hell about the women!? Step moms are infamous for catching crap, it kills me. I fully appreciate Corey taking care of Brianna. He loves her, he cares for her, he pays for her insurance! And as a fellow step parent I know what it's like to raise a kid full time that doesn't belong to you. It takes a special kind of person to do that. Step moms catch all this slack and nonsense just because they own a vagina. They step into this role and unbeknownst to them it's actually a lions den about to get set on fire. I have decent relationships with my girls moms but in the real world you're only supposed to run ONE household and in MY world I have to work around THREE. How did this even happen?! How on earth did I get in a place like this? I LOVE my kids, love love love. But I envy the women who don't have to schedule pick ups and drop offs and if someones running late then plans get changed. Sometimes on Saturdays I just want to go to my kick boxing class and come home and eat a burnt bagel with cream cheese. But instead I'm running to gymnastics or an event that we had planned. It's funny because if you talk to any step parent, this isn't what they envisioned for their life at all. I do thank God for the relationship with Becky pretty regularly because if I didn't have at least that solid relationship I would lose my mind. I can literally text her at any given time and say "can I pick our kid up and hang out with her?" and she would say "absolutely. c ya later" and that would be it! THANK THE GOOD GOD ABOVE. I need some solidarity in my life LMAO! Step dads have it a bit easier, they just come in with their finances and cool tools and hang out with the kids! I'm not in a situation quite like that since Mike is the bio dad but dads are meant to be awesome. Stepping into a step mom position I quickly realized that 1. Some women didn't want Michael to move on and 2. As much experience as I had with children and as much education did not prepare me for manipulation from other people. My mind is still blown! BUT while I was eating my grass salad and contemplating my future I looked around my house at all my pictures of my kids. All the memories we had in our photo albums, I wouldn't trade that for the world. Because even if it's for a short amount of time, I've given those kids some sort of stability. I'm not going anywhere and in Ashley's case, this is all she's ever known. It's always been Kristen and Daddy, from the beginning. I wouldn't trade it for the world, now I just kickbox every other weekend and on Mondays when I'm feeling extra sassy. The joy the kids have when we have beach days, or the zoo or anything else makes it so worth it. All the pictures on our walls and their little sleeping bodies after a long day at the beach makes my heart full of joy. I may not have dreamed of being a step mom but this is the role I chose. This is my choice and I'm just going to continue to do my best because that's what the kids will always remember. So go sit down in your jammies tonight and eat your burnt bagel with cream cheese and just remember how much those kids count on you and love you. It's worth it, I promise :)
Kristen
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