Hey it's Friday!!! It's been a crazy week for me this week. I spent the day in Atlantic City on Wednesday for work. We were invited to the Police and Security Expo. I went down there to help with our screenings and marketing our Captain Buscio Program. I had every intention of staying down there and grabbing some great beach pictures but I was exhausted! The police lights and sirens gave me such a migraine I ended up packing up and just heading home. Now that were almost into July I've taken some time to think about upcoming events with the kids and our family. I'm thinking on Saturday were going to head out to Medford for their fireworks. I may or may not have my niece and nephew with me but I'm excited either way to get some great pictures! Tuesday is Fourth of July and my in laws are having a fun barbecue. I'll again be taking some pictures and get some practicing in :) I've recently just given myself to God completely and let him just tell me what to do with myself. It's so hard when you feel like you have five million things going on and you still want to be yourself. Between the hate from other people, the nonsense with the kids and the craziness of life you get so caught up in just trying to make it through everyday alive! Photography is a recent hobby of mine and I'm still working on a lot of things. My wonderful husband and cat put up with all of my nonsense and Mike will go anywhere with me and let me just take five million pictures of him LOL! Pita will sit still for the most part and my dad let me borrow his nice camera for practicing. Hopefully I can afford one of my own later on down the road but for now this is perfect. God's given me that idea and that talent to go out and just photograph everything. He teaches me everyday and gives me the tools to learn something that's going to give me joy. Isn't that awesome? He's led me to instagram and opening my own Etsy shop. Who knows where this will go you know? But for now I'm happy documenting life and nature and enjoying life every single day. I really am just grateful to have the kids and the experiences were able to have. The past 24 hours I've really just sat and given such appreciation to God and what he's allowed me to have. I have this awesome place to live with enough space for us and the kids. We have multiple bathrooms and we paid off our washer and dryer! It's the little things in life but it really does make such a difference. He's given us two working vehicles to get to and from our jobs. I really enjoy what I do for a living and enjoy going to work everyday. I'm able to put food on the table and good clothes on my kids backs. We can do all kinds of activities with them and enjoy the summer and the weather. At the end of the day we get to go home and take showers and lay in our wonderful beds and have a really good nights sleep. I would hate for the kids to have any worries, I never had to worry about anything when I was a kid. That's how it should be! I'm really just loving and appreciating life right now and what I've been given. Tonight I get to pick up my oldest child and hang out with her for the weekend. Tomorrow I get to pick up my youngest child and everyone gets to go see fireworks! I can't wait to get these pictures and hang out all weekend with family and friends. I hope you guys get to do the same, now it's time to go finish my Friday and get my weekend on! Everyone have a GREAT weekend and check out my Etsy and Instagram pages! Links on the bottom ;)
Kristen
https://www.etsy.com/shop/KPhillyPhotography
Do you ever sit down by yourself in a quiet house and just think "how the hell did I get here?". If you told me five years ago I'd be married to a man and have three step daughters I would have laughed right in your face! Before I met Michael I was 25, super awesome, went out all the time, did whatever I wanted to do. I didn't want a man, I didn't want the drama, I didn't want any nonsense other than the crap I brought on myself. And then that fateful date in April he looked up and smiled at me. and i was done for! Dang! I sat on my couch last night in my Victorias secret sleep shirt, eating my salad (which I'm sick of) and just thought about how different life may have been if I had chosen different. And how different a Step mom is VS a Step dad. A man comes into a womans life and all of a sudden he's the hero! He's saved her from loneliness and being a single mom. Well, what the hell about the women!? Step moms are infamous for catching crap, it kills me. I fully appreciate Corey taking care of Brianna. He loves her, he cares for her, he pays for her insurance! And as a fellow step parent I know what it's like to raise a kid full time that doesn't belong to you. It takes a special kind of person to do that. Step moms catch all this slack and nonsense just because they own a vagina. They step into this role and unbeknownst to them it's actually a lions den about to get set on fire. I have decent relationships with my girls moms but in the real world you're only supposed to run ONE household and in MY world I have to work around THREE. How did this even happen?! How on earth did I get in a place like this? I LOVE my kids, love love love. But I envy the women who don't have to schedule pick ups and drop offs and if someones running late then plans get changed. Sometimes on Saturdays I just want to go to my kick boxing class and come home and eat a burnt bagel with cream cheese. But instead I'm running to gymnastics or an event that we had planned. It's funny because if you talk to any step parent, this isn't what they envisioned for their life at all. I do thank God for the relationship with Becky pretty regularly because if I didn't have at least that solid relationship I would lose my mind. I can literally text her at any given time and say "can I pick our kid up and hang out with her?" and she would say "absolutely. c ya later" and that would be it! THANK THE GOOD GOD ABOVE. I need some solidarity in my life LMAO! Step dads have it a bit easier, they just come in with their finances and cool tools and hang out with the kids! I'm not in a situation quite like that since Mike is the bio dad but dads are meant to be awesome. Stepping into a step mom position I quickly realized that 1. Some women didn't want Michael to move on and 2. As much experience as I had with children and as much education did not prepare me for manipulation from other people. My mind is still blown! BUT while I was eating my grass salad and contemplating my future I looked around my house at all my pictures of my kids. All the memories we had in our photo albums, I wouldn't trade that for the world. Because even if it's for a short amount of time, I've given those kids some sort of stability. I'm not going anywhere and in Ashley's case, this is all she's ever known. It's always been Kristen and Daddy, from the beginning. I wouldn't trade it for the world, now I just kickbox every other weekend and on Mondays when I'm feeling extra sassy. The joy the kids have when we have beach days, or the zoo or anything else makes it so worth it. All the pictures on our walls and their little sleeping bodies after a long day at the beach makes my heart full of joy. I may not have dreamed of being a step mom but this is the role I chose. This is my choice and I'm just going to continue to do my best because that's what the kids will always remember. So go sit down in your jammies tonight and eat your burnt bagel with cream cheese and just remember how much those kids count on you and love you. It's worth it, I promise :)
Kristen
I'm not super sure how Monday got here so fast but when Michael woke me up at 5:30 this morning informing me of the time I can tell you I was angry lol I had just found a comfy spot, I was having a super weird dream, and for some reason I thought it was Sunday. SO. Here we are Monday, we meet again. This past weekend was such a chill weekend it was awesome. Saturday we had that super random storm in the morning which didn't really affect us where we live but at my hospital in Browns Mills, they had a microburst! Tore through part of the town, roads were shut down, it was terrible. Thank God everyone was okay and the road to the hospital was open. So Saturday we pick up Ashley and we all get ready to head down to Island Beach State Park in Seaside! Normally we do our beach days at LBI but something was calling me to this beach!
So we got in our bathing "Soups" as Ashley calls them and picked up uncle matt and off we went! We packed our lunches and snacks and a whole bunch of water to eat on the beach. We had beach blankets, umbrellas, and beach chairs. We had an enormous amount of sunscreen because unlike my husband and children I do not tan I just BURN! sooo we get down to the beach, cutest area ever. It's fantastic when we only paid $10 for the car! Ashley immediately wanted to go in the water which was FREEZING. So we spent the entire day in and out of the water, building sand castles and really just enjoying life. My parents ended up coming as well which was fun we got to have everyone there. I got some great pictures that I posted on my Instagram photography page kphilly_photography.
It's my business page so feel free to go look at some awesome memories we caught! We spent HOURS there and then around 3pm we started packing up. This place was great because they had showers so I threw Ashley in one of those to get all the sand off of her before I put her clothes back on. So we all got changed and went off to dinner! We ended up going to Margaritas in Toms River. My friend Kim goes there all the time with her husband John so we decided to stop there. Ashley literally slept through the entire dinner LMAO. I ended up getting a taco salad with pork and it was AWESOME. They also had some pretty amazing chips and salsa and guacamole. After dinner, it was time to go home and just recover from our day in the sun. Upon arriving home I realized just how burnt I was :( Mike, the love of my life that he is, went to CVS and got me Aloe and rubbed it on my back for some relief. I obviously didn't sleep at all last night with my pain level. Ashley eventually woke up and ate her dinner and then we all passed out! It was so awesome and thinking back on our awesome beach day it really hit me that I'm always the photographer! That's who I am, I have such a love for photography that it's an automatic thing. Trust me I got some GREAT shots but it got me thinking about how many moms do this. You're always behind the camera and eventually one day when you're gone, pictures are all your kids are going to have of you.
You need to take more! I try to get someone else to take pictures of me and the kids now so when I'm gone our kids will have these awesome pictures albums that I've created. Your kids won't care how fat you are or if your makeup and hair were done. They'll just care that there are pictures of you all to remember you by. So put down the camera and get in the pictures! It's going to be really important one day so take the time out now to be a part of that. Your kids and family will enjoy it one day! Now it's time for me to prepare for my week, I'll be in Atlantic City Wednesday for work and next weekend is fourth of July weekend! We'll be at my in-laws for a barbecue with my family also. Can't wait to grab some great shots of the kids and family! Everyone enjoy your week and be safe!
Kristen
Happy Friday!!! We made it :) It's been quiet the past few days, so busy! Not much going on in this crazy step mamas life so far. It's kind of nice! smallish update that the summer is crazy but were definitely taking the girls out EVERYWHERE this summer. We were supposed to go to the beach on Saturday but it looks like storms! So I'm going to stop by the Pemberton library after work and grab a museum pass for the Discovery Museum (Please Touch Museum) for us to go to Saturday while it's bummy weather. We've never been but I've heard such good stories! I'm pretty excited to go and really explore everything, Ashley's at an awesome age where everything is still so new to her. Every discovery is a learning experience and it's awesome to watch her grow and discover things. Were going to go down to LBI on Sunday for our beach day since it's supposed to be better that day. Were all prepped with our "bathing soups" as Ashley calls them! Our beach chairs and towels and sand toys! The following weekend is fourth of July weekend so we'll be heading out to my in laws for a barbecue and hopefully some fireworks! Any good fireworks in the area let us know! I'm sure they'll mostly be on the weekend but that's okay too! We love going to fireworks with the kids, they're so exhausted after but they LOVE them. Ashleys never been scared! It's kind of a blessing to be involved so fully in the lives of these kids. We've been transitioning churches for a while now because of our move last year. I've definitely felt an attack on my faith and my family but it's so much easier to ask for help from God and keep it moving you know? There's nothing I can do to change any of the circumstances at hand so why try? Worry and frustration do absolutely nothing but take away from the day at hand. All those sleepless nights, all those worries about situations we can't control, that's not my job to control anything. It's HIS job to control it, I can only control my reaction to things. And how I've previously reacted isn't who I am and that's something that desperately needs to change. This world is a really hard place to be, were human and we sin every single day. It's hard to watch these trials and tribulations and not feel angry with God you know? How can my heartbreak be a part of any kind of plan? But it is, and I've accepted that because that's what it is! I'm not going to change any plan that's already in motion, I just pray for the safety of my girls :) I've really felt a void in my heart since we haven't found a church yet. We need a new home where we can congregate with other christians and be somewhere to testify. It's okay for me to listen to the word everyday on my ipad at work but it's another to feel that love and dedication in a building with other christians. It's such a freeing thought to know we can walk away from situations that don't support our faith. Just leave it where it is and walk away. Is it worth the anger and hostility? It's not. And us as christians and really just as humans are so stuck on this reactions. Every action has a reaction, and though you can't control someone elses actions you CAN control YOUR reaction. Think about that today while you're at work or home with your kids, will this situation matter in five years? Probably not, but your reaction could cause a chain of events. That's why I try to reach out to the girls moms as much as possible and show them that I want us to be family and get along and not have hostility between us. That says so much when you do something nice for someone, people are appreciative when you reach out when you didn't have to. Even if it's paying it forward to someone at the grocery store (Becky, totally called you out!) which probably didn't consume much energy from you but to that person who's card was declined you just fed their family. Help those in need. How often are you at work or the grocery store or standing in line at walmart and have these meaningless conversations about the weather? Did you ever think what's happening in their life? What are they going through right now? Maybe they need a hug, or a prayer or really someone to just ask how they're doing. Think about that during your day when you're out and about, or at lunch with a co worker. Ask someone how they are. Find out about their life and what they're going through, ask if you can pray for them. I have a prayer book that I just continuously write prayers for everyone in. It keeps my mind fresh with who's going through something in their life. Let that sit on your mind today and go help the world! Everyone enjoy their weekend and I'll see you Monday!
Kristen
Can we just talk about the weather real quick? I'm here in New Jersey and it's making me want to stay home from work in the air conditioning and my underwear. It's ridiculous, I hate humidity. This morning I get all ready for work and come in to go over to the hospital to do some work. I walk around there for a while working up a sweat and THEN realize my cute new shoes are tearing up my foot! So I had to walk back to my office basically limping from this wound and point ointment and a bandaid on it. Then I have to text my mom who works in surgery here to bring me different shoes because these are from hell and I can't wear them lmao. So last night I sent Becky a rough draft of my book for her to go over. That's the first time someone that was more of a third party has read it, she told me this morning it had her in tears. I guess because I'm writing it and I've lived through that emotion already it doesn't affect me as much. Someone reading it for the first time it affects differently. All the names are being changed for privacy reasons except for mine and Michaels but the vast amount of details and emotions in this book are pretty incredible. Everyone knows the situation but doesn't know the details of everything that happened. It was nice to have a third party read it and give me their input on it before publishing. Anyway so now in the midst of my falling apart and wound having I have four hundred things to do lol I haven't finished my coffee yet and I definitely need that, I have eight more pounds to lose and I'm getting really sick of healthy food. I've been eating for nutritional purposes for so long that me and Becky made a taco date when I reach my goal lmao! I really just need to shed this last couple pounds and go on a date with my sister wife because i'm totally over this and I just want to go back to normal lol I'm not sure what I'm going to do after I reach my goal, this has been almost a year that I've been working towards something. Now I can finally start to refocus on my book and get that finished so we can start the publishing process. Work is good as usual just waiting for the weekend so we can go to the beach Saturday! I need a good beach day! Just the sun and the waves and relaxing because I need to clear my mind for sure. We have the beach this weekend and in July were pretty packed with the kids hopefully going to Ocean City and the Cape May Zoo and we have our family pictures that were rescheduled on July 8th. July is going to be a busy month! This morning in the car I heard this song on the christian radio station I listen to #KLOVE and it's this whole song about how grace wins every time. It really got me to thinking about how God's grace really is an incredible thing. There's some crappy people out there and we all sin. Regardless of what your sin is it's all the same. We do it everyday whether we realize it or not. But now at 28 years old and thinking about what I've been through, Grace really is something we need to just think about. Is it worth the drama? nope. It's not. So guys, keep it moving. Don't respond to negativity whether it's coming from friends, work or even someone at church. Grace wins, so walk away from the negativity and drama. Do what you feel is right, for you'll be judged anyway. So keep doing great things with your kids, don't take into consideration opinions of anyone but God and your family. Love those kids, love your husband, love God and love YOURSELF. Because when you go to bed at night that's what counts. Think about God's grace today and how much he loves you, I'll bet you anything it makes you change your day a little bit ;) Happy Tuesday!
Kristen
Happy Monday! haha I'm sure you're all just SO excited to start this week! I know a lot of kids are getting out of school for the summer so let it begin! We had a great Fathers Day weekend with all of the dads in our lives. I picked up Brianna Friday like usual and ordered pizza for us. Then we went to Amico Island park in Delran. We have a weird obsession with all of our local parks so we dragged Brianna into it lmao! We went and wandered around, it was a little too "woodsy" for me but the animal life was incredible. We saw SO MANY DEER it was insane, Brianna and Mike loved taking pictures. We did a nice little hike around the Island and then went to our local FROYO place for dessert :) Mike and Brianna obviously just got a buttload of sugar on theirs and I stuck to my sorbet with fruit (so exciting) BUT this next ten pounds won't come off by itself! Then we went home to relax which was just nice to chill out for a bit. I didn't have anything really planned this weekend because I was babysitting Saturday night and it was rainy and I just didn't care that much lol we picked up Ashley and hung around the house most of the morning. We did run out to a vet in Marlton which then triggered Ashley into continuously asking for a puppy. No thanks kid, I have two kids and a husband I can't handle another animal lol we already have pita! Anyway so I left to go babysit and trusted Mike with the kids hahahaha. Well he kept them alive and that's all I can ask for! I got home a little late Saturday night so Sunday morning was ROUGH. I got up and went to shoprite for breakfast casserole ingredients since that's Mike's favorite. While I was there I also picked up a card and thing of cupcakes for Corey and Hank (the girls step dads). I know with Mothers Day I always get a text and stuff from the other moms and I wanted to let Corey and Hank know they're appreciated! Ashley was really excited to give it to Hank and it was nice to show some appreciation to them also. I like that were one big family and we can do things like call each other at random times, acknowledge different holidays together and stuff. Tammy ended up calling me saturday about thunderstorms coming in and I skyped with Becky and Corey a little later that day. I like the open communication, it's more of a friendship rather than a co parenting relationship. We all co parent really well together but it's nice to have that friendship attached. Nobody has to deal with the drama of nonsense, just keep living and raising the kids. Everybody's happy happy happy! Especially our girls! So Sunday we made breakfast for Mike and gave him his fathers day presents. We got him a frame that says "daddys girls" on it with a picture of him, ashley and brianna. And he also got a shirt that says "Worlds greatest Farter, I mean father" which he obviously LOVED and wore the entire day lmao. Then it was naptime and when we all got up we went to my moms house for dinner. We had steak and salmon. I'd never given Ashley salmon before and she was all about that fish. Ate a whole piece by herself! We also gave my dad the FitBit HR 2 for Fathers Day so now we can track his nonsense lmao! I got some good pictures of Mike and the girls and all around it was a great Fathers Day weekend for him. I love how much time he gets to spend with Brianna and Ashley. We ended up just walking around our neighborhood last night because we were so exhausted! I hit 169 pounds this morning so 9 more to go by the middle of July! This step mama is now exhausted and ready to get on with her week! We'll be going to the beach next weekend and gearing up for July! Let me know where you guys go for fireworks so we can figure out the best place to go :) You all have a GREAT Monday and stay dry!
Kristen
Friday! heeeeeey! I LOVE Fridays :) It's the last day of the work week, I get to pick up Brianna after work and hang with her for a while. Our weekend is coming up! I get to babysit Saturday but Fathers day is Sunday! Which means we get to pamper Mike all day :) I was just looking at some articles about Americans and obesity. My hospital is actually going to start doing community outreach events to battle childhood obesity. That's what a lot of my meetings have been about lately. So delving into some research there's some startling statistics! An estimated 160 million Americans are either obese or overweight. Now if you look at what the government is stating what is a healthy weight it can get a little ridiculous, especially with BMI. For instance I weight 171 pounds and at 5'7 my BMI is 26.8 and that's technically overweight. I can agree with that because I have about 11 pounds to go before I hit my second goal weight. The amount of children specifically obese in America is a little startling. When I was a kid if we had fast food we had chicken nuggets, fries and a soda. That was in the early 90's and now we have so many more options. Unfortunately with the poverty rate rising and access to healthy options not rising it's hurt America pretty significantly. I switched over my husband and kids to healthy eating in 2014 when I started my weight loss journey. We cut out sugar completely, we switched to all organic meats, fruits and veggies and really watched our processed food intake. We really still do that three years later. I cut out red meat for the most part of my families diet and I rarely ever eat red meat. We eat a lot of turkey and chicken for protein or fish. When I order my groceries (because I hate actually going grocery shopping) I'm really particular with what me and the kids eat. Ashley specifically always always always asks for ice water. I've offered her watered down orange juice and she always wants water. Her body knows water makes her feel better so she automatically asks for it. She goes through yogurt like a monster, she doesn't eat sugary cereals or anything. We did go to a FROYO place the other day and I let her pile her frozen yogurt up with crap sugar but that's so rare and we brushed our teeth pretty severely when we got home lmao! Cavities are not something we ever want to deal with. They're terrible. I've never had a cavity and I'm not about to get one now! SO when I do get my groceries I end up paying a significant more amount than if I had just chosen processed foods and pasta! You can get a box of pasta and a can of pasta sauce for under $1.50. So ultimately if you ate that everyday for a week you'd spend $10.50 for an entire week of dinners. I spend about $100 or so a week on healthy foods. We do a lot of smoothies also so that's fruit, spinach, greek yogurt and a protein powder. That's expensive! I was driving the other day and saw a sign that a fast food restaurant has any size soft drink for $1! You know what water costs? $3. That's absolutely mind blowing. Sugar is 800 times more addicting than cocaine, so once it gets in your system it's hard to flush it out. Your body constantly craves it. Call me what you want but I'd rather my kids be healthy and active than sit them in front of a tv or electronic eating crap all day. Americas obesity rate in children it's getting completely out of control and we need to educate our citizens. We also need to drop our prices for organic, non processed foods. Were the only country that does this! Our kids are so easily placed in front of the TV now it's ridiculous, GO OUTSIDE! I'm constantly doing something with the girls on the weekends to get away from snacking and being lazy. We as parents need to make a choice for our childrens health, don't let obesity take over your child and then they can't take care of it later on in life. Look for outreach activities in your community to learn about obesity and how to battle it :) I'm sure you'll see us out there shortly! I hope everyone has a great weekend and I'll see you all Monday!
Kristen
Thursday! We almost made it! I wanted to touch on a topic that actually tends to be a big topic in my step mom support groups. I've read a few other posts about it and discussed it in length in my women's groups and such. I never thought that grammar (especially with me) would be my biggest step mama problem! So here's the thing, I refer to my stepkids as "my kids" or "our kids" because they are! When me and Michael first met I'd never dated someone with kids so I've never had to honestly form a relationship. Brianna was 8 and she was the most difficult because she had her mom all the time and they had that bond and I didn't really know where I fit in. Me and Michael eventually sat down and had the conversation about family and marriage and future kids. When we first met I'd just gotten out of a six year relationship. I was 18 and when I left him I was 25. I was at a point where I knew I wanted to be married and I wasn't getting any younger. So right off the bat I told him I wanted marriage and I wanted kids and if he didn't want that then that was fine but we couldn't be together. He absolutely agreed he wanted marriage and kids and a family. Ironically he asked me to marry him every single day for MONTHS until I agreed! haha so I didn't "trap" him or "force" him into anything, HE kept asking ME! haha. SO once this conversation was had we had been together for a while. We'd also decided that when we do have kids we never wanted the girls to feel like I loved my biological child more than them. I would love all of my children differently but equally. Whenever we went to church or out in public if people asked "are these your kids?!" we always said "yes! they are!". Sometimes I felt compelled to tell people they were my step kids but Brianna being of an age where she started to form emotions I could tell that made her feel "inferior" to my future kids. That's definitely the opposite of what we wanted. If we were ever in a situation with a school or daycare they always knew I was married to their dad and I was their stepmom. Just for clarification reasons but it was never said in front of the kids. We wanted them to know that we were family, just as Corey is Briannas step dad but he's just as much a father figure as Michael is. When Brianna was in school I was on the emergency call list God forbid something happened and she needed to be picked up. I was listed as her "step mom" but if you ever ask the kids they always have two moms. Same with Corey being Briannas dad, I ALWAYS text him on Fathers day to say "Happy Fathers Day" because he deserves it! I would never want the kids to hear me have one of these conversations about "step" or "half" because that's not fair. Tammy and Becky both support this decision fully and were all the girls parents. There's never a distinction and the girls seem to adjust a lot better not feeling like they can't just have their moms and dads. I feel like the healthiest way to approach these situations is if the kids are around we always say "these are our girls Brianna and Ashley" and most of the time people know our situation so they just enjoy that were a family and our kids are happy. Were looking at trying to have a child shortly and that child will not be loved anymore than our current children. All of our kids will be "ours" and just because one or more is biologically mine we never want the girls to see anything different other than we have that child all the time. As a matter of fact I wouldn't think twice allowing Becky to babysit the baby (and she probably will all the time!) and my children will know Becky and Corey as family as well as Tammy. Things aren't always conventional or traditional anymore and that can be psychologically damaging for a child. So to avoid all of this we just tell people were family! The end. This is such a touchy subject anymore but it was interesting that it came up recently and I thought it was so informational for me to be around other women who also had the same thinking as me. So that's my uplifting post for the day! I hope you all enjoy this day because it's going to be rainy all week!
Kristen
Hey! So I was going through our wedding pictures a little earlier today while I was eating lunch and fell in love all over again :) It'll be two years married October 15th and time flies! Sometimes people say they're "engaged" and don't actually ever get married. Whether it's to impress a court or make your home look more stable than it actually is. When Michael asked me to marry him we were married 8 months later! We wanted October and I didn't want to wait until 2016 so my daddy made it happen :) My wedding rings were paid off and the planning started! So sifting through some of these pictures made me realize not all of my followers were there! So here's a snippit of some of the pictures from the day I went from Miss to Mrs's :) because when we said we were going to get married WE ACTUALLY DID IT!
Good Morning guys and gals! So sorry it's been a few days since I've updated and I know I promised this post a while ago. Between meetings and conventions, my job is crazy! Anyway I have time this morning to finally answer your questions! A while ago I'd ask everyone to send their questions in for me about being a step parent. Whether you've been a step parent for a while or you're engaged to someone and about to take on that role. So here are the questions and my answers!
1. What do you love about being a step mom?
I love the kids. That sounds really cliche but I really do love my step daughters. I've known Ashley since she was four months old so we have a different kind of bond. She's always ever known just mommy, daddy and Kristen.That's a normal thing to create that tight bond with me just because she was so young. Leigha and I were also really close for the most part ( I know I probably just created a shit storm with that one ) but it's true. We hung out a lot and did a lot of things together because we had her all the time when her mom wasn't around. I love being able to bond with the girls and have time with them individually. I love watching them grow and learn and become little women. It's kind of amazing to have such a bond with little humans I didn't create. But that's a family :)
2. What do you hate about being a step mom?
The drama. We don't have any with Becky and Tammy but Leighas family is definitely drama. Tammy and Becky took time to get to know and form a relationship with but we all had the same idea in mind. We all wanted what was best for the girls. We had to feel each other out and get to know one another. I hate that pit in your stomach that you get when you have to meet a parent and you KNOW it's going to be drama for nothing. That's probably the hardest part of being a step parent is finding that happy point in co parenting where everyone just gets along. The drama will cause damage to your marriage, to your other children and to your home. We kept Ashley out of the mix for a reason. Me and Tammy sat down as Ashleys moms and decided we didn't want her involved in unnecessary drama regarding Leighas family. We have to protect our family and that's how we decided. We always try to keep the drama to a minimum but what are you gonna do you know? Just be prepared for it and try to ride the waves the best you can.
3. Is there anything about your life as a step mom you wish other people could understand?
I think people take step mom and kind of turn it into a less important role. I had to cope with the fact that I may be raising children but I'm not their mother. That helped a lot and the faster you can comprehend that the easier it will be. But at the same time you ARE a member of a household this child lives in therefore don't feel bad when you make rules for your home. Our rules for the girls are pretty consistent in all homes except for one. I wish people would understand how hard it is to be a step parent and have to share finances and decisions with other women. This isn't the fairy tale people think it is, and it's a lot harder than it looks.
4. What would be of particular help to you if you could have it?
I think it would be helpful if parents were able to sit down and have open communication once in a while. I know that it's abnormal for people to get along co parenting but I wish that could be easier. With Ashley and Brianna we touch base with their moms at least once a week. We talk about school, personalities, friends, clashes, behavior. Even if it's not face to face we have that open communication so if anyone ever felt slighted or hurt we would feel open to talk about it. I wish every relationship could be like that, communication seems to help a lot. I think if people had to own up to decisions they made and knew they had to own up to them it would be different. I think if I could particularly have open communication with everyone it would be great. As a matter of fact I ordered Brianna flip flops from old navy the other day and text Becky to let her know I sent them to her house. I do the same with Ashley all the time and I remember thinking "I wish I could do this with Leigha". I can call those moms and ask all kinds of questions and they appreciate that we go above and beyond for the kids. But because of that situation with Leigha we can't go above and beyond for her. That's really hard, and that's where I wish we could start open communication. All best for the child :)
5. If you could go back would you choose a different life?
Absolutely not. I've been married for almost two years and my husband and I were together for a year before that. Life has been pretty rocky from the beginning just because of the lifestyle that was at hand. But I knew who he was from the beginning and I think I've done pretty well forming and bonding relationships with everyone. I think I probably would have made different choices because I know better now. I wouldn't have allowed myself to be manipulated by someone because I gave them the benefit of the doubt. I think I would have kept the guard up on my family a little higher because of the situations that were created. But I wouldn't have not chosen my family. I love those girls and my husband and the two moms I get along with. I would choose to make different decisions regarding relationships but I would still love my to have my family.
6. Do you try to model your relationship with your husband for your kids?
This one took me a few readings to understand but I get it now. Yes. We do model a healthy marriage for our step kids because we want them to know what marriage is. It's not all glitter and unicorns and there are times where you have to discuss things and make hard decisions. But we also want them to see their dad dancing with me in the kitchen, and hugging me and kissing me. Lots of times Ashley sees this and immediately wants to be a part of it. We want them to know that marriage is supposed to be loving and committed. We want them to see a healthy marriage and not men fleeting in and out of a household. We want them to respect themselves and their relationships. We want them to do better than we did :)
So this is all I have for today, I'll update again in a few weeks with some more questions :) Now I'm off to work for the day on this rainy morning! Everyone stay dry and I'll catch up with you later!
Kristen
I feel like I'm not really sure how we got to Monday so quickly ... :( This weekend was beautiful though! Saturday morning we went over to my moms so mike could wash his car and Ashley could get some outside time. She drove her power wheels around and did her scooter and her bike. It was nice being outside and getting some fresh air. Then we went home and I went to see my brother for a few hours then we all went to this awesome park in Delanco. Mikes cousin gave us the suggestion, it's Pennington park. It's across from the holiday skating rink! It's HUGE. It has a huge play area wit gazebos and a ton of walking trails (for our crazy adventures) and a DOG park! Which Ashley obviously loved. We took a bunch of picnic food with us and had a nice little picnic dinner :) We had fried chicken, pasta salad, regular salad, fruit salad and I made a taco dip for snacking. Lots of water on that hot day also and PLENTY of sun screen haha. We hung out there for a few hours then went to our FROYO place in lumberton, soooo good. Ashley hadn't ever been there so she was super excited. I'm pretty sure she just ate sugar lmao. She had the FROYO with marshmallows, chocolate sprinkles, chocolate syrup and gummy bears. Needless to say our Tom's organic toothpaste was put to good use that night haah. And she's using her fluoride mouth wash pretty well now so that made me feel better about her teeth lol Sunday was a lazy hazy day, we just went in the pool and sprinkler alllllll day. We were going to skip a nap until 1:15 hit and Ashley was nodding off in the lounge chair! So naptime it was for everyone, then back in the pool! We have the "ThinkBaby" sunscreen that doesn't have all the cancer causing crap in it. I feel better protecting her from the sun and not putting crap that can seep into her skin. We sent her mom a bunch of pictures of her playing and hanging out, we always try to keep open communication regardless of who she's with so all the parents are in the loop. We do that with both the girls, and it's always nice to get pictures of the kids! It was such a nice weekend to lay around do nothing. Especially since next weekend will be kind of a bust :( It's supposed to storm all weekend and I'm babysitting Saturday night. So this will be a lazy weekend watching Moana. I might try to stop by the library and get museum passes and maybe take the kids somewhere Saturday just to get them out of the house. Sunday is Fathers day so me and the girls will be working on our presents for Mike and taking care of him on his day! Not too much going on otherwise, just a relaxing week coming up and hopefully nothing crazy going on. Just trying to plan the rest of our summer with the kids, we planned LBI for the last weekend in June. Sometime in July we'll be doing Ocean City and i'm hoping to also squeeze in Storybook land since we still have the tickets from last year! I'm thinking August would be a good time for our annual summer trip to the Cape May Zoo. It's hard packing all of these activities into one summer! Well that's all I have for you guys now, I'll be in a meeting ALL DAY today so I won't be able to get to your responses until tonight :) Everyone have a great Monday!
Kristen
OH we have a twofer! hahaha. I actually just had a conversation with a legal department which is fantastic to have! I know a lot of you offer up some questions or advice or really just general inquires and here I am to help! A friend of mine recently had a lawsuit from his blog that was bogus, basically he reposted something and a lawsuit came from it blah blah. He never went to court, never even had to do anything regarding it but it's annoying you know? SO I had a meeting with my legal team and I had a phone chat with him to get his details of the situation. So basically this blog is going to detail the "defamation" lawsuit for when people have their feelings hurt. Now defamation is a real thing and I'll give details and examples of each so you can all put it into real time events. Defamation is kind of an all ecompassing "blanket" and really walks a fine line between freedom of speech and being lied about. If the statement is made in writing such as this blog or facebook then it's defaming. Like when it was slandered on numerous sites with my full name and child abuser and felon written after it. That's a published defamatory statement. If it's a spoken statement it's called slander. Spoken statements are harder unless they're recorded but regardless. SO here's what you would need to sue for a defamatory statement.
1. Someone made a statement.
Again my GoFundMe page had multiple comments from people with their names and pictures writing all kinds of terrible things. This is a published statement as it's on a website for thousands of people to see. Slander is less harmful than libel because libel is a printed statement and much easier to prove in court.
2. The statement was published.
This can be on Facebook, twitter, a blog or any other publication. This can be written on someones door and it's considered a publication. Multiple people need to see this statement in order for it to be considered public.
3. Injury
This is probably the hardest thing to prove. You have to prove you were injured by this statement, such as you lost your job. It must prove that the statement has hurt your reputation. For example a few weeks back people were calling my job and getting to multiple departments making false statements. I have an affidavit from my job for court stating that these calls were made and were stating I was arrested and convicted making me a felon for child abuse. NONE of that happened, therefore I can bring this affidavit to a court and sue for injury because they made false statements to my job hurting my reputation. It at least attempted to hurt my reputation, I rock at my job still :) But this is a good example of how to sue for libel statements under injury.
4. Falsity
Defamation can only be sued for if the statements that were made were false. I can publish that there's a convicted sex offender on trial again for raping a 13 year old girl. That could be considered defamation if that were not true. Now if you have the court records from that county showing the trial and what the charges were then that's not defamation. Or if you state a child was born addicted to opiates and have the birth records to prove it then again not defamation. The point is you can state facts on this social media pages as long as you have the proof to back it up. If you say so and so was arrested during their 6th month of pregnancy for distribution of narcotics and have the background check to prove it, then you're safe. You cannot go around telling people someone is a convicted felon if they're not and they have proof their not. That's false and that can also be a defamation lawsuit.
5. Unprivileged
This is kind of self explanatory. If someone testifies in a court of law as a witness and makes a hurtful statement about you, you can't sue them. Being in a court of law makes it safe. Nobody sues over this because well you're on trial, and that's a witness who has to tell the truth so sorry charlie!
I hope that clears up some of your questions and concerns! I have a legal team behind me that monitors what I do and checks up on me to prevent these situations. I've sued people in the past and the filing fee isn't cheap and it's an all day process. I get paid from multiple sources including my full time job so I can take the day if someone wants to get feisty. you have to sit in a room together with a mediator and go over what the problem is. If you choose to dismiss this on your own then you go home. The mediator will be very honest with you whether or not they think you have a case. If you decide to persue you wait even longer and then go before a judge. And let me tell you, you better have your shit together and not just be talking nonsense because that judge will put you in your place. So before you make statements or decide to sue someone, think it over. It's not worth the nonsense just to be made a fool of because someone is posting things you don't want to read about. You know what the best idea for that is? Don't read it! Don't stalk them, don't read their posts, don't read their nonsense. Or if you do, just read it and leave it alone. It's not worth your aggravation :)
Kristen
HAPPY FRIDAY!
Somehow we've finally made it to the end of the week! So this morning on my drive in I'm super comfy because it's dress down day at work. I'm drinking my coffee, I'm doing good and then the song "breathe" comes on by Johnny Diaz. This song is kind of low on my playlist because I added it a while ago so when it pops up it's usually at the perfect time. It talks about listening to your heart and really hearing God talk to you. It's just an eye opening thing because I know me personally, I feel like if I don't have complete control over something it gives me a bit of anxiety. It's so easy for me to preach to other people about the love of God and everything he does for people when my life is going great. But what happens when my life isn't going great? For a year and a half my life was miserable. I had to mourn the loss of a child all while watching her deteriorate at the same time. To have to convince myself that this was God's plan, that this heartache I was feeling all day was his plan was a big pill to swallow. How could my pain be part of his plan? How could he sit there and watch me cry over this child while still having to be a mother to two other children? How could he watch my marriage go through turmoil and allow this to happen? How could he keep bringing me back to this place? Because that's where I got stuck. Because I would listen to his music and read his prophets word but I wasn't actually letting it sink in. I wasn't breathing, I was praying for myself and things I WANTED. Not things I NEEDED. God has a plan for everything and your pain may be a part of that. It was a rough couple years with me and Mike and we work on things everyday. Marriage is hard, but it's marriage. We met, a few months later got engaged and a year after that we were married. Before our two year dating anniversary he was my husband and we were a #instafamily. How the heck did that happen? Then everything with Leigha went down and with the divorce rate well over 50 percent how do you fight the odds? You pray about it. Becky gave me a book called "30 days to pray for your husband", I still have it (sorry becky!) and I try to work on it everyday. I also have my bible I like to pull out and just choose a book and study it. I'm still in the book of Job and man that one will hit you right in the feels! Job preached everyday about the glory of God and how wonderful he was. So satan went to God and said "Hey, let me screw up this dudes life for a bit and I'll betcha he starts to deny you" so God is all "okay bro but you can't kill him". So this little bet goes on and Job is put through the RINGER. His family dies, his crops die, his friends try to get him to deny God. Like this dude is legit just UPSET. But you know what? He never denied God, he preached that God's will is going to happen and Job is committed to God. That's some serious love right there. My life was torn apart, and is still being attacked by the enemy. My marriage is being attacked, my family and extended family, my job. But you know what? God has my back just like he had Job's back. He may watch me struggle to stay above water but he won't let me drown. He's going to continue to present me with opportunities for my family and my husband. I'm his child, he won't let anything happen to me. Take that into consideration on this beautiful Friday guys. Life as a step parent can be incredibly difficult and it's probably going to suck sometimes BUT think less about the psycho exes and more about those children that need you. Guide them and teach them. Show them what respect is and how to give it. Ashley will be nice to every single person she meets because she see's how I am when I meet people. She's our social butterfly because I brought her up to be kind and humble. Don't let this world destroy you, just breathe. Listen to your heart, God's in there. I promise. Sometimes when you feel like your prayers aren't being answered it's because you're praying for the wrong thing. Switch it up, and bring your ears before you bring your needs. I hope this helps anyone struggling out there with every day life nonsense and just know you're loved. I love you, God loves you, your family loves you. Just breathe and keep taking it day by day. Have a WONDERFUL Friday guys!
Kristen
Hello Thursday!
Which means were almost to Friday! Today's blogged was inspired by a friend yesterday and I thought it was really interesting. She's also a step mom and has her ups and downs. I have a group of women I talk to pretty much weekly that are fellow step moms and it gives us a platform to really just get it out on the table. We can be honest about our feelings and not feel bad because we all feel the same way! So today's blog are my top ways to help your wife as a step mom because it's WAY different than being a biological mom!
1. Giving her time for unconditional love.
This one is definitely something we've talked about in the past. When you carry a child for nine months and give birth to it, unconditional love just happens. For most women at least. When I met Mike, Brianna was eight years old. She had eight years of life to grow and be a little kid and develop her personality. Now Brianna LOVED me right off the bat THANK GOD. Kids have a way of telling if someone is shady or not and she seemed to blend right into me. Regardless she's now almost 12 and entering teen years. It was hard and were still bonding and figuring each other out because I didn't give birth to her. Support your wife in this venture to learn unconditional love for children who aren't biologically hers. Sometimes women fall right into that (I did) and sometimes it takes a while to bond and form that relationship. Give her time, don't judge and really encourage a relationship between her and your children.
2. She needs you to understand her disappointments.
Were going to be brutally honest with this one men. Women don't grow up dreaming of being a step mom. They dream of a fairy tale wedding and a man she can have babies with. Not someone who they fell in love with and came with a premade family. She's settling for less than she hoped for and you need to take that into consideration. No woman wants to share finances with other households or other women. Nobody woman dreamed of having to work her schedule around another womans schedule. I was lucky enough to have two women in my life who have made it work. As her husband you need to understand her disappointment that she won't have that regular life she was hoping for but she IS making it work because she chose YOU. That's a lot of love for someone to give up their dreams for. Let that bake your noodle and appreciate what you've got.
3. She needs you to cheer her on in life.
Being a step mom is NOT easy. She's choosing to care for children who didn't come from her and deal with the drama that comes with that. The evil step mom is such a rare thing but it's very prominent in her life. She works hard for her blended family on top of working, taking care of you, cooking, cleaning the house. Really let that sink in and always tell her how great she is and how much you appreciate everything you do. She's trying to make life great for everyone but she really needs that encouragement from you.
4. Her and the kids need to work it out themselves
When there's an issue with her and the kids, it needs to be worked out among them. While your support is always encouraged if there's a problem then it needs to be dealt with between them. If there's ever an issue with Brianna and she tells her mom, her mom ALWAYS tells her she needs to work it out with US. If she felt like we weren't paying her enough attention, or she felt she had to compete with Ashley then we ALWAYS want to hear what's on her heart. Husbands, you have to realize sometimes having them work on it constructively brings their relationship closer and really bonds your family. So encourage any problems to be dealt with between THEM.
5. She needs your backup.
As in a regular family unit, when a parent says no or makes a rule, that's what it is. If a child asks her for something and she says no, then you HAVE to back her up. I use Brianna a lot in these because she's 11 and we get this the most from her. If she asks her mom for something and she says no, we usually get a text message immediately following this asking US for the same thing. Most of the time I know when this is happening but if I don't I always text Becky. I have to back her up as a mom just like she backs me up as a mom. If were not consistent in our parenting then the child can and will get out of control. We keep in touch constantly. We are always texting or face timing because that's how we keep it consistent. As husbands you can't just feel bad about telling a child no, you have to back her up. That's her house also and she has her own set of rules, don't undermine her.
6. She needs you to respect her view of the situation.
You have a whole life behind you with your ex and children. Whether it's a hostile situation or not, she will view it in a different way. You've shaped a past with your ex. You have a whole set of emotions regarding however your situation together ended. I've been in situations where I can see through the manipulation and the nonsense that he couldn't. He had been in such a toxic relationship with her that it was hard to see through the clouds. Whereas I hadn't been manipulated so I could see the nonsense. Sometimes it takes a clear mind to try and fix a situation. Don't get defensive or upset when your wife sees a different side to a situation. A lot of times when there's hostility between exes it takes a third person to find a happy medium.
7. She needs you all to herself once in a while.
The divorce rate for second marriages is even higher than first marriages. Most of the time that's because second marriages bring kids and exes. When you get into a relationship you want to spend your weekends going on adventures and learning about each other. You have that time to yourself to go on vacation and really be a couple. When kids are involved you lose that, and although she chose that you have to realize she needs more of you for a while also. I don't have any of my own children yet so I had to learn to share my husbands attention with the kids. That's way harder than you think when they aren't your children. When you have children you know it's going to be that way and you get used to it. Make sure you schedule time with just you and her whether it's during the kids nap time or during the week. Shut down your electronics and just be with her. She didn't bring children into the marriage so she's going to need you to really shovel out that attention. You may be exhausted after work but your marriage will improve vastly if you give her that little extra energy.
This is from my own personal experience as a step mom that I kind of got thrown into. I thank God everyday he was able to groom me for this position with my background on children. The group of women that are also step moms are also a blessing. It's hard to be a step mom to children who don't belong to you and really delve into that role. I have three step kids with three different biological moms. Two of them are angels and I really appreciate the relationships we've been able to form. It really takes a village to raise a child, so men go home and hug your wives a little bit tighter. Take pictures of her with those kids, show that appreciation for the picnics she plans. That's the mom to your future children and the step mom to your children now. The great thing about step parents is they chose to love when they didn't have to.
Kristen
Happy hump day!!
So on my way to work every morning I have my large cup of Cafe Bustello Espresso coffee and I always put on KLOVE, the local christian music station. I really like them because it's a nice reminder you're not alone. Can I just tell you this week has been a rough week? Me and Michael have just been off this week, just one of those weeks you just can't get it together you know? It's only Wednesday and I feel like were still stuck on Monday. Between the kids, work, the normal drama, I just feel like what the heck. So this morning I decide to put the christian radio station on my iphone with no commercials and every single song spoke directly to me. I've been obsessed with "hills and valleys" and "old church choir", seriously go download them. They kept coming on this station and it really hit me hard. Hills and Valleys really digs into the hills and valleys of your life but no matter what God always has you. I've felt so alone sometimes this past year and a half. I felt so misunderstood and so lost, like he left me out there to figure it out. I kept thinking "Why do you keep bringing me back here, why isn't this getting better" and then one day it hit me. He said back to me "Because this is where you got stuck". In the midst of this Leigha crap and all of that drama, that's exactly where I got stuck. That's where my faith started to waiver. I could tell people all day God is great and merciful and forgiving, but when I was held to the flame I couldn't speak. When my life started to spiral out of control I could no longer practice what I was preaching. I felt like he'd abandoned me, like he wasn't going to get me out of this black hole I'd found myself in. Wasn't he supposed to help me? Thinking back this morning, he DID help me. He kept me safe that entire time of being attacked, he made sure verbal threats didn't become physical threats. He protected my mind and my heart no matter how far I wandered. This song really spoke to me and I felt like he was in the car ride with me. Just reminding me I was okay, and I wasn't alone. He's given me other step parents in my situation to lean on and help them through their struggles. He gave me Corey and Becky to be able to form a great relationship with and have someone who knows what the struggles of being a step parent are. You're not alone in this, you never were. Faith is a really hard thing to keep and the enemy will take any crack in the wall he can get. Whether it's your marriage, your family, your kids, your job. When I had those psycho's calling my job for days God made sure everyone knew the truth. Nothing had happened, I was never convicted of anything or arrested. He made sure I continued to flourish in my job. When my husband was accused of cheating on social media he again made sure everyone knew the truth. My husband would never cheat, he was a man of God and he was mine. So when I think back to when I felt alone I quickly realized I was never alone. I just needed to turn to him, let myself feel his presence. He's always there with you, you just need to listen! So as for Wednesday, lets try to get through it! It's going to be a gorgeous weekend here in Jersey and I'm so excited to spend it with my kids. You guys have a great hump day!
Kristen
