Thursday! We almost made it! I wanted to touch on a topic that actually tends to be a big topic in my step mom support groups. I've read a few other posts about it and discussed it in length in my women's groups and such. I never thought that grammar (especially with me) would be my biggest step mama problem! So here's the thing, I refer to my stepkids as "my kids" or "our kids" because they are! When me and Michael first met I'd never dated someone with kids so I've never had to honestly form a relationship. Brianna was 8 and she was the most difficult because she had her mom all the time and they had that bond and I didn't really know where I fit in. Me and Michael eventually sat down and had the conversation about family and marriage and future kids. When we first met I'd just gotten out of a six year relationship. I was 18 and when I left him I was 25. I was at a point where I knew I wanted to be married and I wasn't getting any younger. So right off the bat I told him I wanted marriage and I wanted kids and if he didn't want that then that was fine but we couldn't be together. He absolutely agreed he wanted marriage and kids and a family. Ironically he asked me to marry him every single day for MONTHS until I agreed! haha so I didn't "trap" him or "force" him into anything, HE kept asking ME! haha. SO once this conversation was had we had been together for a while. We'd also decided that when we do have kids we never wanted the girls to feel like I loved my biological child more than them. I would love all of my children differently but equally. Whenever we went to church or out in public if people asked "are these your kids?!" we always said "yes! they are!". Sometimes I felt compelled to tell people they were my step kids but Brianna being of an age where she started to form emotions I could tell that made her feel "inferior" to my future kids. That's definitely the opposite of what we wanted. If we were ever in a situation with a school or daycare they always knew I was married to their dad and I was their stepmom. Just for clarification reasons but it was never said in front of the kids. We wanted them to know that we were family, just as Corey is Briannas step dad but he's just as much a father figure as Michael is. When Brianna was in school I was on the emergency call list God forbid something happened and she needed to be picked up. I was listed as her "step mom" but if you ever ask the kids they always have two moms. Same with Corey being Briannas dad, I ALWAYS text him on Fathers day to say "Happy Fathers Day" because he deserves it! I would never want the kids to hear me have one of these conversations about "step" or "half" because that's not fair. Tammy and Becky both support this decision fully and were all the girls parents. There's never a distinction and the girls seem to adjust a lot better not feeling like they can't just have their moms and dads. I feel like the healthiest way to approach these situations is if the kids are around we always say "these are our girls Brianna and Ashley" and most of the time people know our situation so they just enjoy that were a family and our kids are happy. Were looking at trying to have a child shortly and that child will not be loved anymore than our current children. All of our kids will be "ours" and just because one or more is biologically mine we never want the girls to see anything different other than we have that child all the time. As a matter of fact I wouldn't think twice allowing Becky to babysit the baby (and she probably will all the time!) and my children will know Becky and Corey as family as well as Tammy. Things aren't always conventional or traditional anymore and that can be psychologically damaging for a child. So to avoid all of this we just tell people were family! The end. This is such a touchy subject anymore but it was interesting that it came up recently and I thought it was so informational for me to be around other women who also had the same thinking as me. So that's my uplifting post for the day! I hope you all enjoy this day because it's going to be rainy all week!
Kristen
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