Just Breathe

HAPPY FRIDAY!

Somehow we've finally made it to the end of the week! So this morning on my drive in I'm super comfy because it's dress down day at work. I'm drinking my coffee, I'm doing good and then the song "breathe" comes on by Johnny Diaz. This song is kind of low on my playlist because I added it a while ago so when it pops up it's usually at the perfect time. It talks about listening to your heart and really hearing God talk to you. It's just an eye opening thing because I know me personally, I feel like if I don't have complete control over something it gives me a bit of anxiety. It's so easy for me to preach to other people about the love of God and everything he does for people when my life is going great. But what happens when my life isn't going great? For a year and a half my life was miserable. I had to mourn the loss of a child all while watching her deteriorate at the same time. To have to convince myself that this was God's plan, that this heartache I was feeling all day was his plan was a big pill to swallow. How could my pain be part of his plan? How could he sit there and watch me cry over this child while still having to be a mother to two other children? How could he watch my marriage go through turmoil and allow this to happen? How could he keep bringing me back to this place? Because that's where I got stuck. Because I would listen to his music and read his prophets word but I wasn't actually letting it sink in. I wasn't breathing, I was praying for myself and things I WANTED. Not things I NEEDED. God has a plan for everything and your pain may be a part of that. It was a rough couple years with me and Mike and we work on things everyday. Marriage is hard, but it's marriage. We met, a few months later got engaged and a year after that we were married. Before our two year dating anniversary he was my husband and we were a #instafamily. How the heck did that happen? Then everything with Leigha went down and with the divorce rate well over 50 percent how do you fight the odds? You pray about it. Becky gave me a book called "30 days to pray for your husband", I still have it (sorry becky!) and I try to work on it everyday. I also have my bible I like to pull out and just choose a book and study it. I'm still in the book of Job and man that one will hit you right in the feels! Job preached everyday about the glory of God and how wonderful he was. So satan went to God and said "Hey, let me screw up this dudes life for a bit and I'll betcha he starts to deny you" so God is all "okay bro but you can't kill him". So this little bet goes on and Job is put through the RINGER. His family dies, his crops die, his friends try to get him to deny God. Like this dude is legit just UPSET. But you know what? He never denied God, he preached that God's will is going to happen and Job is committed to God. That's some serious love right there. My life was torn apart, and is still being attacked by the enemy. My marriage is being attacked, my family and extended family, my job. But you know what? God has my back just like he had Job's back. He may watch me struggle to stay above water but he won't let me drown. He's going to continue to present me with opportunities for my family and my husband. I'm his child, he won't let anything happen to me. Take that into consideration on this beautiful Friday guys. Life as a step parent can be incredibly difficult and it's probably going to suck sometimes BUT think less about the psycho exes and more about those children that need you. Guide them and teach them. Show them what respect is and how to give it. Ashley will be nice to every single person she meets because she see's how I am when I meet people. She's our social butterfly because I brought her up to be kind and humble. Don't let this world destroy you, just breathe. Listen to your heart, God's in there. I promise. Sometimes when you feel like your prayers aren't being answered it's because you're praying for the wrong thing. Switch it up, and bring your ears before you bring your needs. I hope this helps anyone struggling out there with every day life nonsense and just know you're loved. I love you, God loves you, your family loves you. Just breathe and keep taking it day by day. Have a WONDERFUL Friday guys!


Kristen