What's up Threenager

Can we have a quick conversation about how my three year old now has the attitude equivalent to my twelve-year-old? She also has the argumentative skills as an experienced attorney. So the other day were in the kitchen and she's arguing with me about the use of her kinetic sand. WELL. The problem is SHE DOESN'T LIKE THE FEEL OF SAND!

 So I'm telling her every time she uses the sand she immediately wants her hands washed. So this conversation continues while I'm in my pajamas that say "prefer to be caffeinated" while trying to balance the coffee mug in my hand. At this point, I have a sore throat from God knows what and this child has now changed the tone of her voice in hopes I wouldn't recognize it and think she's an entirely different human ... or species. So this kinetic sand is AWESOME, it's magnetic! You can find it HERE So it's really less of a mess and comes out of carpet ... and hair ... and the dog. But just like any other sand, she does NOT want it on her hands. Which is a tough one BECAUSE SHE HAS TWO. 

So I eventually give in because the cat is meowing to go outside, the dog follows me around like I have treats up my butt and this little girl is starting to get really good at arguing. She assures me that she does, in fact, enjoy the feel of sand and will NOT ask me to immediately wash her hands. SO I get her frozen table and chair set out of her room, bash my head on the top of the closet while I'm getting this STUPID sand out of the closet (I still have coffee in my hand by the way .. ). I get this sand down and all of the toys that go with it and get her all set up at the table. In the meantime, my twelve-year-old has her monthly friend and has put headphones into her ears to drown out the nonsense happening. So in hopes that finally I can get the massive amount of dishes out of the sink and possibly take the dog out so she doesn't poop on my floor, I sigh a little sigh of relief. 

To be honest I can't even tell you where my husband was at the time but I'm pretty sure he had fled the house in hopes of a safe haven. Being the Momtag that I am I grab my camera and snap a few pics of my threenager playing so nicely with her kinetic sand. I then start to clean my house and get my chores done for the day. WELL! Within ten minutes my three-year-old is now following me around the house with purple sand hands asking me to immediately wash her hands PLEASE. I'm sorry, is this the twilight zone? Is this happening? Was I just duped by a three-year-old assuring me she would not do this to me? So my cup of coffee that has only had about three sips taken out of it gets lost in the mix and put on a table somewhere. I continue this conversation with her asking her why she wanted to wash her hands. She responded with "I don't wike it". 

I'm sorry, you don't like what? The feeling of the sand you insisted on playing with!? I'm now arguing with this threenager who is actually getting pretty convincing with her arguments insisting that it's the PURPLE sand that's, in fact, an issue. She also tells me that she would like play dough instead. I take her and wash her hands and she happily goes to bug her sister who probably wants to punch us all in the face by now. This has now been an hour of my life discussing this friggin sand. I proceed to clean up the sand, realize I have a knot on my head from retrieving the sand in the first place and try to move on with my day. 

This is just a typical Saturday morning in my house. There should be a warning label attached to your marriage certificate ...

Life isn't all dandy

I'm not really sure how Sunday got here so fast but DANG. Especially with no upcoming days off from work until September I feel like August is going to just drag on forever. This weekend has been a whirl wind of nonsense I swear and I'm EXHAUSTED. Friday was spent with Brianna and Michael and Saturday I started to get a sore throat. I'm sure it has to do with the random weather changes and the two animals in my house that shed an entirely different animal every single day. So right now my house looks like my three year old with no pants on coloring in the living room and watching TV and me with a hot cup of organic hot green tea trying to focus on finishing this book. And yet here I am ... on my blog LOL! So Saturday I wandered out of my house to take the dog for a walk because she refused to poop for two days and I'd rather her not do it in the house when the needs comes. Needless to say she didn't poop BUT when I made it back into my house my oldest child and my husband were going at it. Of course these two are EXACTLY ALIKE so their arguments make me want to stab my ear drums out with pencils. Regardless this argument started over cookies and snacking. The argument ended and I was left in this war path of my husband being upset about the day just sucking altogether and my daughters feelings were hurt because we as humans have a problem filtering what we say before we say it (guilty). So I send Michael to bed and have a heart to heart with B. She's almost 12 and has her fathers temper and stuborness. so this makes  this talk even more important. Luckily enough she's blessed to have moms at two houses and as uncomfortable as this may be it had to happen. I informed her that her weight is nobody's business but her own. If someone picks on her because of her taste in music, what she wears or how she cuts her hair she needs to tell them to fuck off. She's beautiful just the way she is and the only reason she should ever change is if it's for herself. We had some good laughs, the cat tried to eat my flowers and the dog thinks the couch pillows are her bed regardless of the actual dog bed she possesses. This is probably the cause of my illness, the stress is really insane. I've been going through pinterest a lot (this is where I plug my new pinterest page for my blog ;)). So during social media scoping I've come to realize that people legit will make look like life is absolutely amazing to save face. You know what I want? Honesty. My life isn't all shits and giggles. Life sucks sometimes, bills don't always get paid on time, someone throws up all over the kitchen, the dog is eating the cats poop. It's not fantastic all the time. My husband and I argue and that's okay, it's healthy. Although plotting murder is not healthy LOL we do argue, and we work through things. Today as a matter of fact was not a good day for us, but that's okay. Everybody is entitled to have a bad day, even married couples. We have  A LOT happening and the enemy is hard at our family trying to tear us apart. I just want other step parents to realize that it's difficult and the struggle is real. Being married is hard enough, the divorce rates for second marriages are even higher. They hover around 70 percent, that' high! So you have to work at it, and realize that you don't have to prove how perfect you are. I can tell you right now me and ashley don't have pants on! We have our night gowns on and were totally fine with that. My hair is greasy and I ordered pizza for dinner. I hate spongebob and it's been on repeat on my TV for most of the day.  We didn't have organic green beans for lunch, we had easy mac that cost me $1 at walmart. My life is far from perfect and as much as I try to offer my children the best life they can have, there's only so much that can be provided. When the girls moms ask for things such as school supplies or books for home schooling we do our best to participate and help with that on top of child support. We also provide everything at our home for the kids when they're here. The point is, don't care about who's watching. Take off your makeup, pour your glass of wine and don't feel like your life has to be photoshopped all the time. It's totally fine if you haven't showered all weekend but your kids got to play in their sandbox for hours and your dog didn't eat the squirrel in the yard. Score! I hope you guys enjoy your Sunday and realize that what other people think  DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER. Love your kids, love your husband, love your life. God will always provide and protect you, just trust!


Kristen

Confidence in my girls

Hey! we made it through the week! Today is especially rough for me since yesterday was puppy day! I took the day off to get Grace all squared away with her shots and getting her groomed. I deep cleaned the house a bit and got a little more organized. It was a nice lazy day just hangin around and catching up on stuff that had been neglected! So today is a little harder for me ;) Anyway so today I'm thinking about how I have to pick up Brianna after work and Ashley comes tomorrow and how I've accumulated all of these little girls! Poor Mike, even the cat and dog are girls! So I'm thinking about growing up and how my mother instilled confidence in me. She always told me I could do and be whatever it is I wanted to. I was never given a sense that I couldn't do something just because I owned a vagina. And I did! If I wanted to play baseball with the boys, I did! And I did it well! I could always focus on what I wanted and how to accomplish it because my parents were my biggest fans. Even my dad at cheerleading competitions shaking the water bottle noise maker with Burlington Townships colors all in it :) It was a really supportive time growing up for me and I really want to give my girls that also. Today's blog is dedicated to how to instill confidence in our girls! I hope you enjoy :)


Identify positive female roles
So Hillary Clinton, probably not a positive female role. The girls have always enjoyed Taylor Swift and I think she's a fantastic role model. She's always kept life kosher and been age appropriate. She's aware she has a younger audience at times and really encourages young girls to be who they want. Who needs a man? Condoleezza Rice is also someone I've always admired. She's a strong female politician and doesn't take crap from anyone. I want my daughters to know that nothing can hold them back, even in a male dominated world.

Encourage Independence
Even from a young age when we were at birthday parties my mom shoved me into the party to make friends. I wasn't allowed to hang out with her and the grownups. Why? BECAUSE I WAS FOUR. I needed to go make friends, and doing that gave me the confidence I still have today. At 28 years old I can go ANYWHERE and make friends even if I don't know a soul in the room. I want my girls to know they can do anything, like change a tire or their oil. I know how to do it, I just choose not to! I want them to know they should be able to take care of themselves in a relationship. I spent six years with someone and then one day I walked away and I had a sense of independence to take care of myself. Because I was raised to know how to take care of myself, emotionally and financially. 

Compliment Conscientiously
I think comments are a big thing for kids, in the right context. Ever since the girls were little I've always told them things like "you're so pretty" but then realizing being pretty isn't everything. Me being pretty gets me a lot in life but my outgoing personality and kind nature gets me further. Now I say things to them like "Do you know how smart you are?". If they're playing a game or building something and they get frustrated, I encourage them and let them know they CAN do it, just concentrate on it. When they finally finish the project they're so proud of themselves because THEY did it with nobody elses help!

Challenge them physically and mentally
I enrolled Ashley into gymnastics at a really young age because I want the kids to know they're always physically capable of doing things. There's a lot of male dominant sports and I never want my girls to think they can't do something because they're a girl. Ashley would get frustrated if her front roll wasn't perfect or she didn't stick her land just right but eventually after practice she did it! She would be so insanely proud of herself. I try to also challenge them mentally with lots of educational activities. When we go on nature walks I give them age appropriate "hunts" to complete. Mikes really good with identifying different plants and trees and always incorporates that into our walks. This keeps the girls minds working and when we quiz them on stuff it gives them confidence to know they're learning and are very bright!

Give her a voice
Brianna's had a voice since the day she was born and continues it this day. She's very outspoken and opinionated. She gets that from her father! haha. Ashley was really quiet for most of her life but she'll be four this December and I think I've given her enough confidence to know she's allowed to speak up (this one may have bit me in the butt). Now she chooses her own activities, pajamas, toothpaste, bath toys. I give her these options and I always ask how she's feeling, what's she thinking, what is she doing. She'll go into her bedroom and grab a book and just read to herself. I want the girls to know their opinions matter and they do have a voice and can speak up when they feel something is wrong. We've always given Brianna the choice of what she wants to do and recently she made a choice about one of her sisters. We supported her choice as all four of her parents because she spoke up with her concerns. We listened and we allowed her to make her own decision. 

Give them responsibility
SO I've been told I'm a horrible horrible woman for giving my children chores. (gasp!) When the girls are with us they're expected to clean up after themselves, that's a given. I'm not your maid, I'm your mother. Ashley makes her bed the best she can, she puts her clothes away, she cleans up her room. The girls help me feed the animals in the morning and at night. It gives them a sense of being needed and wanted. It gives them a sense of accomplishment when they're done and they've completed a task. Ashley again is almost four and will gain more chores as she gets older. We don't do allowances but we give them praise and they gain their own sense of accomplishment with that. Giving them these chores gives them confidence.

There's a huge list of things that you can do to encourage your daughters to be healthy, independent women. These are just a few that I've used in my daily rides with the kids that seem to be helping them. I hope these help you encourage your daughters to be independent, wonderful women! Everyone have an AWESOME weekend!


Kristen

Good Gracious Christmas!

I know I'm not the only mama out there thinking about Christmas already! July 25th marked five months until the big day! I've always been a really ridiculous Christmas person. Like I rock out to Christmas songs, we go to tree farms and get our trees, we decorate the tree with Christmas music, the house gets decorated. Like ... it's a big overboard. I grew up in a family where Christmas was the biggest deal of the year. My mom and grandma are HUGE Christmas fans. Christmas was always such a special day for us, the holidays were always such a miraculous thing. We went to Christmas Eve service at church, when we got home we got to open ONE present :) We do the same thing with the girls when we have them for Christmas Eve. I try to make the entire Christmas season a really magical thing for them, including sprinkling the reindeer dust on the front yard! We go take pictures with Santa, we dress up the dog, the whole bit. Now that Ashley's a bit older I'll be doing a cookie decorating day with the girls (Kinda of stoked about it I can't lie). I'm just really excited that were getting to the holiday season :) So I did some Christmas shopping for the kids yesterday and were always on a tighter budget. I try to make it a big thing for the girls so layaway is my THING. So here's some tips on how to be a savvy shopper for Christmas!


1. Start Early!!!!!!
Seriously. I have a crazy amount of people to buy for. I usually start making lists in June and by July I'm in full purchase mode. Between the kids, Mike, Family, it gets expensive. If you start early enough you can buy a few things away and just put them in a "Christmas box" so you don't lose them or forget where you hid them (which is how I still have Lincoln logs in my closet). Then at Christmas you have a crazy good amount of gifts for everyone and you kept on budget!

2. Layaway like cray
So layaway can be iffy so you have to kind of figure out where to get the best deals. I'm almost always using Kmart layaway, that's how we got Ashley her big power wheels convertible last year. Kmart is great, you can shop online and start your layaway that way. The only problem with Kmart is if they don't sell it directly you can't usually put it on layaway. Which is a super big pain in the butt. I just put a crap load of stuff on there for the kids yesterday and just paid for the others separate. It's convenient to shop online but again make sure Kmart sells it. Toys R Us also does layaway but you have to purchase in store. You also have to put 10 percent down of the purchase but sometimes it's better that way. They also have 90 day layaway so you have a good amount of time to pay on things!

3. Make a list
Seriously, I'm the QUEEN of lists. With all the kids and family I have to write down what I'm getting everyone and put a check mark when it's purchased (In Christmas colors OBVIOUSLY). I had the girls lists started in June and I add and subtract as I go. Usually add ;) then I add the other family members. Keeping track of what you purchased keeps you from going over your budget that you've made and keeps your living room from looking like the toy store on Christmas day :) Side note: I also make a list for distribution of my Christmas Cards so I know how many to buy, saves you money from buying too many!

4. Try to avoid credit purchases
Credit is so easy to use and you can get everything you need instantly. I'm probably still paying for Christmas's on my credit cards I swear. If you can stash money away during the year that's your best bet. My kids were all born at different times of the year so I have to try and stash when I'm not planning birthday parties LOL! or purchasing birthday presents! Ashley's a Christmas eve baby so we try to separate those, again just avoid the credit. Try to pay cash so you don't have the shock after the holidays of those payments!

5. Really just enjoy shopping!
Before I took on the step mom role I had a dog, a cat and a boyfriend to buy for. It was super easy! I was so into what I was going to get and that was awesome. Now that I'm a mom I'm so less concerned with what I'm getting and I just want to drink my coffee and watch my kids open their presents! Being a kid on Christmas is such an awesome feeling and I never knew why my mom never cared about opening her presents until the last few years. The looks on their faces is completely priceless and melts your heart. Enjoy shopping for those kids and take in all the Christmas cheer while you can!


I hope some of this helps! It's almost August so I'll be finishing up my Christmas shopping and prepping for the holidays! If you have any suggestions or advice on layaway let me know! Happy Christmas in July!

Kristen

When you start to second guess

Hey good morning! I'm sure everyone is LOVING this rainy day! I feel like it should be Friday and not Tuesday :( And I have off work on Thursday to take the dog to get her rabies shot and get groomed so it'll be even worse Friday! The weekend outlook looks pretty good though! I'm thinking maybe some pool time with the girls and maybe the water carnival in Browns Mills with the in laws. Make it a pretty relaxed weekend. Speaking of relaxing I was in sort of a funk this morning. Maybe because of the rain and I'm just feeling a bit exhausted and worn out. But I wanted to touch on the subject of really just being blessed this morning. As I woke up this morning from my nice warm bed and got ready in my house to go to work I had to really just feel the grace of God on me. I remember the days I prayed for some of the things I have now. I think a lot of things are taken for granted and I always come back to the book of Job. That dude had it HARD. Satan really gave him a run for his money but he never stopped praising God. That's incredible to me. I feel like I just assume my life is supposed to have all of these good things in it and I don't really sit back and realize how blessed I really am. I have these two great kids that come hang out every weekend and we've formed such a tight bond that I feel blessed I was able to be a part of their lives. Watch them grow and play into beautiful kids. I'm blessed enough to have a working vehicle that gets me to and from my job. The job that pays for my health insurance, because some people don't have health insurance or a 401K. I'm blessed enough to be able to put money away for a retirement, while working a job I really love with women that are absolutely incredible. I have family that backs me up and supports me no matter what the situation is, and the loyalty is astounding. Things come and go and situations arise that really cause a lot of issues but I still have my family. A family that loves me and supports me and two kids that love me. Being a step parent brings so many complications and forming that bond with kids you didn't give birth to is difficult. Where do you discipline? Do you discipline? Do you enforce rules at your house? It's such a fine line when you're not a biological parent but I've been blessed with two other women who try to work with me on consistency. It's hard running numerous house holds and trying to make everything mesh together. It's hard when you feel the enemy encroaching on your space and trying to pull your life and family apart. These are my kids, my husband, my sister wife (LOL), my fellow step parent. I'm blessed I was able to form a relationship with Corey and be able to talk as step parents and have that outside view on things. I'm blessed to not be alone in this journey and to be able to be the best step parent I can be. Parents and Step parents alike fall all the time, they make mistakes, they flip out. It happens, it's totally normal. But our family is unique, we have a whole village of people for this kids and to support each other. With prayer, with love, with togetherness. I'm able to provide for my kids and love them and make them feel comfortable in any house they're in. Nobody has that stress of hostility. I just wanted to bring to your attention this rainy morning that you ARE blessed. Every single day, you're just taking it for granted. What are you thankful for in your life? Write it in your prayer journal, write it on a post it and stick it to your wall. Give yourself a daily reminder and thank God for what you have in your life. Praise him for what opportunities he's provided you with. I have a husband that loves me every single day, that supports me in everything that I do (and he's pretty good lookin!) I have a kid who facetimes her friends and says "hey look there's my step mom!" a kid who's proud to have me in her corner. Another kid who wants to take pictures WITH me all the time just so she can have those memories with me. Who couldn't feel blessed thinking about that? Go about your day and write down every time you feel blessed, see what you come up with :) Have a super BLESSED day guys and always remember to just be HAPPY!


Kristen

When you really hate his ex

hey! So this was an interesting question I received the other day in my email. Life has been crazy and so much information has come flooding into our lives I really just needed to decompress and relax before I even checked my emails so I apologize! The question is "What do you do when you really really hate his ex?". So I've compiled a few pieces of advise that you may or may not take. I've had my ups and downs as a stepmom and have been at the point where you are. TRUST ME. My sister in law is also a fellow step mom (yay team step mom!) but she's also a mother. She has been a light sometimes that snaps me back into reality when I'm thinking of rain instead of sunshine. So here we go!


1. Always put the child first.
You and your husband may be the only ones doing this and it may suck depending on how old the child is. They may be too young to really comprehend that you're the ones really loving that child and thinking about it's well being without the spite. And that's going to sting and I'm sorry. Your step child can NEVER know how you really feel about that other parent. And that's something every parent and step parent is going to struggle with, and that's okay. But really make an effort even when that child is 25. Even when that parent is lying about you and saying super hurtful things. Always take the high road because eventually that's going to come back as good karma. Anything that mother says about you, you can quickly turn around when you bond with that child. Oh you're the evil horrible crazy step mom? When you're with her that will honestly prove the complete opposite. Just hang in there mama!

2. Get the ex out of your home and your head.
The worst place this woman could live is in your head. That's taken me three years almost four to figure out. Seriously, get her out of your head. That's where she wants to be. making you think he's cheating on you, or that you really are crazy. Make your home a safe place, don't be around for the phone calls or text messages. Don't go to every pick up or drop off, take that time for you to just be you and be in your home. Don't bitch about her to your husband because it isn't going to do anything but drain you and she wants to know she's a topic of conversation in your home. Don't let it be. Give your time to better things, like awesome sex with your husband ;)

3. Ask for help.
Whether this is joining a support group (like mine!), going to counseling or simply asking your husband to not make any ex a topic of conversation in your house. Obviously you need to have financial conversations but anything other than that, end it. Find positive step mother role models out there that you can convene with and really let your emotions out with. Other step parents will definitely understand and then you feel like you have the support you're looking for without bringing it into your home constantly.

4. Hope for better but accept today's truth.
Man ... this is a hard one. Some step mothers and mothers are able to form a strong bond. Michael was divorced YEARS ago, his ex wife is remarried and obviously so is he. Brianna is going to be 12 in September and once we got to know each other things really panned out. We became closer as parents and both really agreed on the fact that were too damn old for the drama. Our 12 year old gives us enough of that. We even danced at a friends wedding all night long together while our husbands commiserated! Don't try to force a relationship with a high conflict ex, it won't end well and you'll be disappointed. I've tried to form a relationship that way and it blew up in my face. Relationships do evolve and things change, so just keep it in the back of your mind that today it's not going to work, but things may change in the future.

5. Live your life
This will be the one thing you can focus on completely and if she is a crazy ex, this will kill her. After all of our drama the number one piece of advice I got was "pick your family up and keep moving forward". We still had two beautiful little girls that needed us to be there for our family. So that's what we did, we moved on. We raise our girls together and take family pictures and vacations. We do our day trips as if nothing ever happened. Because the reality is right NOW nothing is going to change, and until it does you need to keep your family STRONG. You are the core of that family and you need to be strong for them. Take those pictures, have those vacations and keep moving on. Keep growing with your husband and making babies and doing whatever makes you happy. Don't let the drama bring you down :)

At the end of the day you have to write your own story, and I hope this advice helps you at least a little bit and anyone else struggling as a step parent. It's HARD and it's going to SUCK. Write your story, and make it an awesome one :)


Kristen

Truths about being a step mom

Good morning! I've been so lax with the blog lately just because life has caught up to me! I'm sure you've all seen my pictures from our family photo shoot with our incredible photographer Stephanie! They came out better than I could have planned and am so thankful to have been able to catch our families love in these pictures. Between the pictures, babysitting and just being plain crazy I haven't had time to update on anything! So lately I've just kind of been loving on my family and really thinking about life as a stepmom. There's some serious truths out there that nobody really wants to touch on. So this blog is dedicated to the hard truths about becoming a step parent!


1. Always put your marriage first
This came to me a few weeks ago because we always tend to put many other things before our marriage such as the kids. Were so busy making sure the kids are okay, the animals are okay, the house is clean that we forget that our marriage needs to be tended to as well. We always say "God, marriage, kids". That's how it should be! Nobody wants to talk about sex but we need to be honest, that's a very legit thing. Me and Michael really have to be "on top" of it no pun intended LMAO. Because if not things just tend to fall apart, we have to make it a point to love on each other and give our marriage the attention it deserves :)

2. Sometimes you're going to feel like you're competing with the ex.
It happens. And they're totally normal feelings. Not once did I ever think i'd have to have this much contact with my husbands exes. It never even crosses your mind. You have to remember not to compare households and don't compete with them either. As a matter of fact if someone is mentally abusing the child with lies and manipulation ... let them! Crazy right? But you have to, you just have to take the high road. You cannot subject yourself to it, don't compete with it. It's not worth it. Just continue to love that child and move on, trust me it will save your sanity!

3. Wasting time on disliking his ex is pointless.
GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY PLEASE LISTEN TO THIS. If this is the only one you read then thank the Lord above. I repeat it is NOT worth wasting time on disliking any of his exes. It's not. It will cause fights, it will drive you crazy and guess what? She's not going to change! She may be ABSOLUTELY INSANE but you getting mad over her nonsense is just killing you because she doesn't care. Don't waste your time, just love your husband and those kids. That's ultimately what matters is how much you are a family. She can go keep her craziness and do whatever it is she's doing. Not your monkey, not your circus!

4. Child support WILL cut into your monthly expenses.
It happens. And it's something I have to factor into my budget every single month. Mike pays for three separate kids and it's all on my excel spread sheet. It's in the money orders I get, it's in his paycheck when it goes directly to the moms. But to be honest, he made those kids. He needs to help pay for them. With Tammy and Becky not only does he pay child support but ninety percent of the time if they ask me for something i'm more than willing to buy it. Brianna needed a book for her new school year so Becky asked for help. I bought it and shipped it to her house. Because it's also our obligation to help take care of that child. Ashley needs a winter coat? Done. It's just something you have to factor in and eventually it will just be normal.

5. Ignore the gossip
This is hard. Being a step mom you're just going to be the topic of gossip. Especially if you have a mother who just wants to hate you. I've been the subject of SO MANY RUMORS. Right after me and michael got married the rumor was he was getting divorced. Two years later obviously it's not true! You have to ignore them because if you listen to them you'll drive yourself crazy. Anyone who matters will know the truth and that's what matters. Just laugh and brush it off, a smile is going to kill them more than anything!

6. You need some fellow step moms to help.
I have two friends including my sister in law that are step parents. My sister in law has four step daughters and has been through the ups and downs for YEARS. She's always a good source to go to because she's been there. It's easy to go to her with my frustrations and air them out. She can also come to me for that because we can crack open a bottle of wine and bitch about it and feel so much better without making a scene! Put some step mamas in your corner for those days where you feel like you need to throat punch someone.

7. Step parenting is one of the hardest things you will do.
And don't ever let someone tell you that you're "just a step parent". You're so much more than that. It's ultimately harder than raising your own kid without any outside influences. You have to work around numerous schedules, potential sadistic exes, and crazy situations. My best advice to you is to love your husband and try to provide some normalcy for the kids. If the kids see you all getting along than that's what really matters. They don't need the down and dirty details of grown up lives. Just let them see you all working as a team because that will give them the best possible life.


I hope some of this helps you guys! It's a tough world out there but I'm always here for venting or just to give some advice! I hope you all enjoy your Monday and the rest of your week :)


Kristen


here's some of the pictures from our family photo shoot!

Give them Grace

How many times has God given you his grace? How many times have you done something and you've been given grace? Whether it's cutting someone off when you're driving, or really just being terrible to someone. I can tell you giving grace is the HARDEST thing I battle with on a daily basis. When someone does something wrong to you the first automatic human thing you think is revenge right? Being a step mom I get crap CONSTANTLY from all kinds of people. I think it's really hard as Christians to swallow the fact that God has given you grace and continues to do so on a daily basis. Were supposed to be living like Him. When someones a real jerk to me I have to decide to give that person grace rather than revenge. So today's blog post goes over ways to show other people grace in different situations.


1. Look for people who need you.
How many times do you have that idle chatter with your co worker? Or the woman at the grocery store? People can be having a really crappy day and by you smiling and holding the door for them you may have graced them with something that made their day better. You don't even have to look for something monumental. Becky was at the grocery store recently and the woman in front of her kept having her card declined, Becky felt compelled to pay that womans bill. That made life so much better for that woman and showed her that us as a human race can be graceful!

2. Respond with Grace.
Let me just tell you this one makes me cringe because I work on it every single day. People can be RUDE and MEAN and SPITEFUL. I've had situations where I really just wanted to tell them about themselves. But that's not what God wants from us. If people criticize you or call you names or are just nasty to you, just move on. Thank them for their opinion and keep it moving. A quick response with anger or hostility is just going to keep eating away at you. Who wants that? The more you respond with a calm spirit and grace the happier you are and perhaps they will move on with their lives.

3. Forgive with Grace.
Again ... tough one. I struggle with forgiveness every single day. I want to forgive you, but I also want to forget you. Which is super acceptable but forgiving someone who did you wrong is really tough. When someone comes to you with an apology, accept it. To be completely honest a lot of times you're not going to get an apology because they don't think they're wrong. You have to be okay with forgiving them anyway. Give it to God and walk away which is way easier said than done. I've just gotten comfortable with Him giving Him my worries and fears and just forgetting about it. Learn to forgive and move on, otherwise the hate can consume you.

4. Learn to say "I'm sorry"
legit, learn this. now. I had to grow up at one point and realize that when I'm wrong life is way easier to just realize I'm wrong and own up to it. Even if it's something at work and I drop the ball on something, my boss is more likely to respect me if I just say "yeah. I'm sorry. that was my bad". Learn from your mistakes. Whether it's a friend, or your spouse, own up to your mistakes and apologize for them. People at my hospital absolutely love me (tooting my own horn) because I get things done but if I make a mistake I own up to it. Learn to say I'm sorry to people, it's going to help your relationships in the long run.

5. Take interest in others
This is a huge thing in my marriage that me and Michael work on constantly. Michael is a LOVER of politics. Politics make me want to jab a pencil in my ears. BUT that's something my HUSBAND enjoys and I really needed to swallow that. SO I started listening to Breitbart radio and trying to get into what he enjoys. I like watching the Gilmore girls and going on walks (not simultaneously LOL). Therefore even though he's extremely exhausted after work he goes on my ridiculously long walks with me and our dog. He goes to parks and lakes and rivers and spends time with me exercising. Try to take interest in your friends, family and co workers because they'll appreciate the time you've taken to get to know them.


All of these things are showing grace. God has made us human therefore were prone to mistakes and sin. That's how were built. But were also taught to follow his footsteps and try to be better people. People are assholes. You can't beat around that bush. But if I got mad and sat on the anger every time someone wrote something nasty about me I'd just be mad all the time. I want to be happy! So take this with you and go out into the world with your new found grace and try to pay it forward :)


Kristen

To Church or not to Church?

Happy Monday!! I had three days off this past weekend and I can be honest that it totally was not enough LOL! Last week was craaaaay. I had my tetanus shot Monday which ended up screwing up my entire week completely. They offered it to me since me and Michael will be trying to get pregnant soon and they said it's easier when you're not pregnant to get it because of the side effects SO. I got it. WELL. By Tuesday I had the aches and chills which then lasted into the rest of the week. Thursday rolled around and I had a fever and went home from work and took Friday off to chill out. SO now that were back on Monday and I don't feel like I'm knocking on deaths door anymore I had an interesting thought. To church or not to church? We went to a church for a few years when we lived out in Burlington. We were married there, baptized together there, the girls were dedicated to God there. When we moved away it was too far of a hike to go every Sunday and since we haven't found a new church. Church hunting is a little weird. You really have to find somewhere that you feel you're being fed every Sunday. Me and Michael listen to a lot of christian music especially on our way to work. I really love to rock out to some Danny Gokey :) So it's been about a year since we've been to church on a Sunday and I really do have plans to find a new home. So my thing is we know a lot of different Christians who have a lot of different opinions. Fortunately were part of the millennials and we do EVERYTHING online. When I get to work I can turn my iPad on and get anything I want from christian music, to praise and worship to sermons online. So ultimately me and Michael do get a lot of God in our lives, we pray daily, we have books we borrowed from Becky and Corey called "31 days to pray for your wife/husband" which is awesome. We incorporate our faith into our everyday activities. We just haven't found a church home yet. A lot of people that are in older generations actively attend church faithfully once or twice a week. We were pretty faithful once a week on top of volunteering all the time and participating in things such as VBS or the fall festival. Unfortunately life does get a little crazy and we've had so many people in our ears about how important church going is. But is it really? Is that really a be all end all? Do I HAVE to attend church to be a "good" christian? I cuss a little bit, does that make me a bad christian? I've done some shady things in my life but I went to church every Sunday. Now I feel like I'm a better person, making better choices and I don't have to congregate every Sunday. Now don't get me wrong I fully enjoy feeling the Lord come up through me when were praising him on Sunday with fellow Christians, but is that something that's a necessity? Should I be judged because I chose the Zoo over church? I've actually had an older woman blatantly attack me on my Facebook for going shopping on a Sunday morning rather than sitting in a pew. I've had a few instances where I was battling with confusion and desperation and all of a sudden God told me EXACTLY what he was doing. I don't need a building for that. My point here is don't let other people pressure you into something ... like your tetanus shot. LMAO just kidding but in all seriousness your relationship with God is between you and him. Whatever or however you choose to serve him, worship him or teach your kids about him is up to you. As long as you believe he is God and you're actively working on a relationship with him, then peace out cubscout. I don't always need to go to church to feel like I'm able to be with him. So go about your work week with these thoughts and remember no matter how you get fed, just get fed! He loves you and He is for you. Have a great day guys!

Kristen



Just some clips from this weekend :)

(Courtesy of StephanieMarie Photography)

(Courtesy of StephanieMarie Photography)

(Courtesy of StephanieMarie Photography)

Things I need my daughters to know

So it's been kind of a long week and I recognize that it's only Wednesday. The past few days I've really sat and kind of thought about my girls and my 28 years of life. SO here's a list of things I really want my girls to know as they grow up and grow into little women!


1. Your period is going to suck, and I'm sorry.
I feel like nobody gave me the real deal of getting my period and how much it sucked. I was thirteen and it wasn't bad until I reached high school. I remember sitting in class in severe pain because of the cramps. The pain eventually got bettered but now I'm 28 and trying to get through my Wednesday at work severely tired and totally aware of my period causing havoc on my body. So when yours decides to show up invest in a heating pad and always go for the chocolate. I promise it eventually gets bettered. You're probably going to have some super gross moments but don't worry. You have your mom and me to help you through it. Find a man that's going to rub your back and get you excedrin. The headaches are incredible and there's really not much you can do about it but you'll be okay. I Promise :) 

2. Know the difference between lust and love.
I could probably count on two hands how many times I thought I was in love. It wasn't real until I met your dad. My first boyfriend was when I was twelve and I thought I'd marry him. As I got older I had to fight with my heart whether it was real or not. I learned some really harsh lessons about love. It taught me that just because you're with someone for six years doesn't mean you'll get married or that he'll be faithful. It also taught me how to say goodbye to a really toxic relationship. You'll go through these as well but I hope you know sooner than I did when to walk away. It's going to be hard and you're going to cry and you have me and your mom to hug you and love you. My mom always told me time will heal everything and as true as that is, it's still hard. Eat the chunky monkey ice cream, cry to the Taylor Swift songs, watch the black and white movies and eventually you'll forget about the idiot who broke your heart. You always have daddy, pop and uncle matt to hide bodies if need be.

3. Watch your weight but don't worry about thigh gaps.
I say watch your weight because I've struggled most of my adult life with my weight. I got comfortable in relationships and made poor choices eating. I gained a lot of weight and had to fight to lose it. I'm so strict with you girls and making healthy choices because I don't want you to struggle like I did, and like nana did. We'll both tell you it isn't worth it. That being said, thigh gaps are fucking stupid. Be at a weight where you're comfortable. Don't worry about super flat stomachs, or huge boobs or thigh gaps. Be comfortable in your own skin and be healthy. Go to the gym, play sports, be a gymnast but just keep MOVING. Mexican food is totally great once in a while, but go for the yogurt instead of the donut. I love you girls so much I don't want you to struggle like I did. Don't let society tell you how you should look though, be healthy!

4. You're going to be the ugly duckling for a while
I was, until I was probably 25 and met your dad lol. I went through the purple mascara stage and the bright blue eyeliner. And you will also! I had frizzy hair and I thought I could walk in heels comfortably most of my high school career. You will also go through these stages and when you're in your mid twenties and get comfortable with things you'll just look back and laugh. Believe it or not I thought I was a punk rocker most of my sophomore year! I was not lol BUT I did what I wanted and wore the black and listened to the emo music and I loved life. I made some crappy choices and learned my lesson. You'll also do the same and when that happens we'll be here to catch you and support your emo music as much as we may hate it! We've been there and you will also be there but you'll also grow into BEAUTIFUL women with WONDERFUL personalities that will light up the world. Just wait for it :) Dance in your room, sing in your mirror, love life.

5. It's okay to be vulnerable.
I think for most of my twenties I felt vulnerable and tried to tell the idiot I was with how I felt to no avail. Vulnerability means you're human. And that's okay. Letting someone know how you feel whether it's me, daddy or mommy is perfectly acceptable. As long as you're doing it in a healthy way then let it out. Please. If you're with someone and you feel ashamed to cry in front of them or scream or break down, that's not the person you should be with. Make sure you surround yourself with people who don't take advantage of this vulnerability. If you're feeling something, tell us. Tell your friends. Tell your husband or boyfriend. Let it out because bottling it up will drive you insane. I did it for six years and your poor dad now has the backlash of feeling everything I'm feeling. LET IT OUT. You won't be judged if you come to your parents, I promise we will support you and hold you and help with any problem you have.

6. Validate your damn self.
Here's one that Nana always taught me. YOU DO NOT NEED A MAN TO VALIDATE YOU. Make your own money, work your own jobs, do your damn thing. You are a STRONG woman and you should act as though. Work hard, play hard. Me and daddy work super hard to provide a life for you guys and we want you to succeed and life. We'll do anything to help you but please please know that you can validate yourself. So what if the idiot broke up with you? Know what? You're fucking perfect. Work hard at school, get a good job and make sure you can support yourself without a man. Don't depend on anyone else to give you what you want. You want that organic shampoo? Pay for it. Go out and work and pay for your stuff. Because at the end of the day, all you have is yourself. And that HAS to be good enough.

7. Don't compare yourself to other people.
Don't. please. Because you are who you are and that's enough. This is probably the hardest thing you'll battle with. I still to this day battle with it. It's so easy to covet or be jealous of another girl. Whether it's her hair, her weight, her job, her husband. You know I'm 28 and I get jealous when girls post pictures of their pregnancy? But I talk to God about it and am fully aware that we will be trying to have a baby soon and when it's my time then it's my time. I was jealous of a girl in middle school because her boobs got big early. They were the same size in highschool and then they were small! Who cares! You have so many awesome traits and personalities you don't need to be like anyone else. Always remember who you are.

8. Be good to yourself.
The biggest problem even at 28 is letting what people say get to me. I'm just now learning how to ignore the negativity and great a positive outlook. You know how many fat jokes I used to get? I got called so many nasty names you wouldnt ever believe me. But now I realize it doesn't matter what those morons say. It doesn't matter what anyone says! Be good to yourself and believe the good in yourself. You have good people in your life who love you. Don't listen to the negativity as hard as that is. Create positive situations. When people are mean to you it has NOTHING to do with you, that's a battle they're fighting within themselves.



Some of these things aren't going to make sense to you until you learn a really hard lesson. I've been there, done that. Trust me. I've learned some hard lessons and continue to learn them everyday. Either way life isn't easy. But you have a wonderful family to fall back on and so many people that love you. Take these into consideration and pray on everything. Put on some gangsta rap, make some coffee and handle it. We love you girls to the moon and back and we'll ALWAYS be here for you. I love you!


Kristen

Propaganda

So I'm kind of a huge fan of christian music (as if you all didn't know LOL) and there's an artists by the name of Propaganda. My previous pastor was a fan and that's how I found him. He's a rapper but not an annoying one, what he preaches kind of blows your mind. SO his new album just came out and the release song is "Crooked". So I took my quiet ride in this morning to play it on repeat for my forty minute drive and can I just tell you he always satisfies? When you listen to the lyrics it's kind of mind boggling the stuff he throws in there that makes you think "yeah ... that's actually legit". White, Black, Alien it doesn't matter, all of his statements make a point. So I've taken the time for all my fellow fans to break down the song and really kind of bake your noodle this wonderful Monday morning! Also I strongly encourage you to go on Apple Music and download this album. It's incredible. Here we go!


1. "He ain't old enough to go buy beer, but enlist him. Send him to Iraq and wonder why he come back crazy?"

This is pretty legit honestly. My cousin Jacob was enlisted in high school and it's worked out really well for him. But this is pretty easy to understand why this is mind boggling. These boys are out here enlisting in this army but our drinking age is 21? So we can send these men and women to WAR and have them fight for our freedom as if it's nothing but our rules and regulations here are backwards. They're crooked. Our military families need more from us as Americans and I think over the generations we've lost site of that. 

2. "Like one ounce of crack gains the same amount of jail time As eighteen of cocaine, but ain't they the same thing?"

I feel like we can all agree how twisted our court system is. This has actually been a topic of conversation within my circle previously. Have you ever set down and really looked at the consequences for things? What's the difference between one ounce of one drug and 18 of another? Aren't they both illegal? Aren't they both a narcotic? So why are we handing out different sentences? That's crooked. That's a court system looking for money. I've heard of people get busted for distribution and get arrested and are out the same day. What is that? How are we as society supposed to better our people without actual consequences? Because that person is STILL out on the streets, thievin, sellin, getting doped up. So what have we accomplished? Nothing. 

3. And at one time, we built pyramids One can only wonder why we ain't wiped ourselves out yet

How have we not wiped ourselves out yet? I'm not sure about other countries but America has been a HOT mess. Right now New Jersey has SHUT DOWN it's state government because these idiots can't pass a BUDGET. what?! We used to be such a smart nation with all of our innovations and leading ideas. Now we can't even agree on how to budget our own state. How as a human race have we survived for so long? Were nearing the end of our rope here guys and I feel like the big man upstairs is shaking is head at us. Wait for the flood.

4. Clueless buffoons put a man on the moon And I still can't get cellphone reception in my room

Let this one sink in for a minute. We put a MAN on the MOON in SPACE and I can't sit in my living room and get cell service. Men are walking on other planets and flying on space crafts but my security camera at home gets hacked all the time. Where is technology and why does it feel like our government is regulating it? We give dope heads free narcan, but our cancer patients pay hundreds of thousands for treatment? Tell me the government isn't aware of that. Lets talk.

5. If you can't touch it, then you can't trust it

This has been a pretty big conversation in my family as well. Kids are so easily able to trust in God and believe in him because kids are more susceptible. They can feel things that we as adults have stopped believing in. Ashley sees the good in all people, regardless. She knows God loves her, she knows he's there. But as adults we have such a hard time believing in something if we can't physically touch it. I see people battle with this everyday. If God isn't doing something like blessing them every single day, they stop believing. That's crooked. Feel his love, know his love. It's there, you just have to believe it.

6. My inner demons eat through my marriage and my parenting

 This line was very interesting to me. There's a legit difference between dating and marriage. It's not just a piece of paper, it's life. You've chosen this other human to spend the rest of your life with. You deal with inner demons every single day and you have to be a part of a relationship. The other half of someone. Parenting is even worse because all parenting sucks. You get frustrated, you discipline, you plan activities. Nobody is a perfect parent but society these days gives you these demons to swallow and these hoops to jump through. If your kid doesn't have an oil diffuser and organic tooth paste they're a wash out. They put so much pressure on parents today that they're destroying families in the process. Don't let processes from our enemies destroy your marriage and your family. Stop. Breathe. Pray.

7. People are so perplexing Perpetuating the same hate they out protesting

Take a second and read this again. This has been such a big thing in our country the past few years and someone finally said it. They're out protesting this hate, and anger and violence but not like Dr. King. They're protesting in violent manners, setting cities on fire, looting their own neighbors. This isn't a race thing, this is a human thing. Why are we doing this? Why are we hypocrites? Why is someone not standing up and saying something? Our people are out here protesting these violent crimes against humanity while robbing our hard working people. What sense does that make? Sit back and let that sink it, think about what you can do as a fellow human to make this stop. Because it's ridiculous and we all know it.

8.Listen it's freely given, but you've been warned These halos stay balanced on the tip of our horns

Love from God is free. Always remember that. You don't have to pay him, give him your sole or the blood of a lamb. You have to love him and believe that he is for you. These christian lives were trying to live are covered in sin. Were ALL sinners, we all do wrong, christians just admit that daily and ask for forgiveness continously. These horns and sins were trying to cover up that the devil is constantly putting in us are just covered by our halos were trying to portray. Nobody is better than anyone else in their sins. A sin is a sin is a sin. But if you ask God for forgiveness, he gives it to you. Just like that. So when you're walking down the street, stop judging. Because Jake at the Mcdonalds sins just like you, just differently.