I Have No Idea What I'm Doing

 

Good morning ladies!

That exclamation mark had no emotion behind it this morning. I'm exhausted. And today im fully aware that I was not trained properly to be an adult. Like not even close. High school did not teach me how to get rid of insane migraines, it didn't teach me about gluten at all. Man I dropped that ball. Gluten allergy, yeah it's for real and it's wreaking havoc on me. Being an adult this morning makes me want to go back to scraped knees and hugs from my mom. Being a WIFE is even harder. Why wasn't there a class for that?! With a follow up on how to be a step mom because I feel like both of these are a huge fail in my life right now. Today's a hard day. Today is a day where all of your feelings and emotions come out at once about every situation you were ever in (welcomed my migraine this morning). My fit bit also laughed at my attempt to sleep. And if one more person gives me an "all natural way" to go to sleep I'll scream. My melatonin thinks it's a game when I take it every night. Nobody told me the ride to being an adult was the best part. Making poor choices, learning from your mistakes. Now I'm a mom and a wife and I'm very ill prepared and almost positive I'm screwing it up. Today is a day I'm fighting with God and my faith because I genuinely feel like I need some serious help from the big man upstairs. It's rough. I know we've all been there. Today is a day I have to remove all of my white hats and take care of myself. And to anyone else who needs to do that, do it. Don't feel ashamed because you're useles to anyone else if you don't take care of yourself first. Your babies need you, your husband needs you, YOU need you. The daily struggles of life are incredible. But you can always pray, and keep praying. It's hard and it sucks when you're drowning and nobody's throwing you a life vest. You'll be okay. I'll be okay. Life will be okay. Y'all have a blessed Wednesday. Hump day!

Kristen

I Hope You Dance: A a letter to my step daughters

 

Oh my dear step daughters,

Let me start by you have each changed my life individually tremendously. I love you each more than you'll ever know. I entered your life pretty randomly, some of you wont know life before me, and one of you probably remembers the day you met me! My job as your step mother is to love you unconditionally forever. I'll teach you about God and faith. I've potty trained two of you, there were some hard days and some easy ones! I need you to always remember to LOVE each other. Every single day. No matter what. You are all each over has as siblings. Me and daddy have aunt Melissa and uncle Matt and I can say I wouldn't trade uncle Matt for anything and we've had some FIGHTS! You'll argue and you'll make each other cry. But you're sisters always. Don't forget that. Always remember to stay humble, whatever you've earned or been given be humble about it. School is not an option. You go. You work really really hard and you get a scholarship. I don't care if it's a scholarship for chess. You find a passion and you work towards a goal. Good grades need to happen even if it means me and daddy staying up all night to help you. College is also not an option. You go. You do good and you get a degree. Become a doctor. A lawyer. A vet. I don't care but you get a degree. When you start a job, you start a 401K. Also not an option. That's going to be what you retire on. Me and daddy will do anything for you, so when you're sixteen you'll get a job and start saving for a car. You'll buy a car and you won't put boys in it. Boys belong in church and so do you. " I love you" is not a pick up line. The first boy you fall in love with is going to break your heart. And it's going to suck. And I'm sorry. I'll buy you rocky road ice cream and take you shopping. But you WILL be fine. I promise (I've had my fair share of heart breaks before daddy). Find a best friend and KEEP HER. She's going to be your lifeline most of your teenage years. But no matter what you can come to me for anything. And it stays between us unless it's harmful to yourself or someone else. Don't ever forget how amazing you each are in your own ways and I love you for that so much. Always remember at the end of the day you have me and daddy. You have our love and our constant support. Don't lose your faith, it's amazing how easy that is to do. Go to church, it sounds like early mornings and not much fun but pastor Adrian is awesome and pretty funny. Just listen, he makes some pretty valid life points. Don't ever feel like you can't come to me with questions about anything. Boys, school, sex, protection. I'll answer all your questions and point you in the direction of the right path. The one with all the scary arrows and boys with great hair, avoid that one. You don't want to go there. Boys will hurt your feelings, but if they ever hurt your body you tell daddy. Bruises are not a sign of love I promise you that. Don't forget God, he'll be the one you go to when things get tough. You may not hear him, but he hears you. Always keep praying. Put sun screen on!! Melanoma is not a joke and it's not cute. If y'all ever have a little brother, don't pick on him! And don't pick on each other. Always remember me and daddy love you more than you'll ever know. And don't forget nana and pop, and mom mom and pop pop. They'd lay down their lives for you and probably have more than once. Visit them every chance that you get. Go be something incredible in this world. Stop the hate. Create peace. Adopt an animal. Be something. Do something. Travel. Go somewhere incredible. Don't let boys hold you back. I love you girls so insanely much it hurts. I love I love you I love you!! 

Love,

Your crazy step mom 

 

 

Abuse is a Real Problem

Happy Tuesday!

This is kind of a heavy subject this morning but it really gets under my skin. It's recently been told someone I know is claiming abuse and it's not true. Her boyfriend supposedly beats her black and blue, he's abusive, he's a horrible person. But when it comes down to the truth, there's no marks. There's no evidence. There's real live women out there being beaten up every single day. Who are forced to wear makeup and dark sunglasses. Who have to find a shelter to go to to get away from their abusers. Women who need help, and to be saved. Women who lie about abuse for attention from another man, or even the man they're claiming beat them make me sad. It just really bothers me when people claim abuse and there is none. You can ruin people's lives with those accusations. If you're not happy in a relationship, leave. Don't lie. Go volunteer at a women's shelter with actua beaten and abused women. Join a sex trafficking seminar to see how real that situation is here in the home of the free. Don't put your child in an environment you're claiming you're being abused in. End of my rant this morning, y'all will get something way more positive later!! Stay cool out there!

Kristen 

The Sky's Not Falling Yet Chicken Little

 

Good evening guys :)

Michael left a little while ago to attend his court ordered parenting classes. Funny. I know. And as I sit here and watch Gilmore girls and listen to the storm I'm a little nostalgic in our first apartment. This week is moving week and it's CRAZY. We've had some good memories here. Our first place together, the girls first room, Ashley's first steps were taken here, we got married here, came home from our honeymoon to this apartment. There's a lot of good here. There's also some bad. Leigha was kidnapped from here, we've had some pretty knarley fights here because of that situation. Our faith and marriage has been tested here. Thinking about the good and the bad I have to remind myself no matter where we go the enemy is going to find us but so is the Lord. We're moving onto better things, bigger things. Our second apartment will eventually lead us to our first home. That will lead me to my first pregnancy and Ashley being a big sister eventually. It's hard moving on and being insanely scared but when you have faith that God will protect you it all just seems a little better. The enemy will push until you reluctantly let him in. DONT. Run the other way. Run to God. Run to prayer. Because that's what you need to fight. The harder you pray the harder it is for him to get in your heart. This week of moving might be crazy. It might be hard to move on but I get to move on with my husband and kids. I get to move on. Always remember to keep moving forward. And always remember to pray!! Have a good night guys!

Kristen 

When All You Can Do Is Pray

 

Good afternoon guys!

Today was a tough day. This weekend was actually kind of tough. Potty training makes me want to throw myself through a wall. But something else is pretty heavy on my heart recently. There's SO MUCH tension all the time. As I'm sure you're all aware by now my middle step daughter Leigha is not living with us and the environment she is living in is not acceptable. What's really eating me is the fact that she's being told her step mother is a child abuser. Leigha has told countless people on countless occasions that she loves me and wants to see me. This is the little girl I potty trained, and took to the dentist, and the county fair, and VBS and now all of a sudden she's scared of me? As I wake up fully from my much needed nap I'm realizing IM KIND OF AWESOME. I RAISED her to be a kind, loving, God fearing child. Whatever mental abuse is happening to her now is just some unfortunate event we'll have to tell her isn't true. Again. And as I poop here (because honestly once I'm done I have to coax Ashley into pooping) I realize I'm NOT an abuser. I'm not this horrible evil step mom that made Leigha feel unworthy. I'm the step mom who became her MOM because nobody else was tough enough to fill the shoes. So to all you "evil step moms out there" keep doing you! Raise those tiny little human beings and keep PRAYING. Because God will help you. God will save you. God will protect you. Even when you're mad at him. Or losing faith. Lean on him. And if you need a friend, call me. I'll find faith for you because girls I have found faith is some seriously low places. Go raise your babies and make some CEOS out of them! Y'all have a blessed Sunday and enjoy your kids this very hot week!!

Kristen

The Struggles of Co Parenting

 

My sister in law recently said to me "at some point no matter how old the kid is, conparenting is going to suck". My sister in law has three step daughters, a daughter she gave birth to and a son on the way (yay!!) so she's pretty seasoned in this. Unfortunately she's right. Co parenting is not easy. Currently were trying to potty train our youngest, Ashley. She loves the potty, she poops, she pees, she sings. It's great. She can wear big girl panties here the entire weekend. And then she goes to her other home where pull ups go on and potty training doesn't happen. HOW FRUSTRATING IS THAT?!?! I'll say it again, co parenting SUCKS. Regardless of what said of co parenting you may be on its hard. We have a problem getting her other family on board with things like "get her off the bottle, take her pacifier, potty train her", and they have to deal with our constant nagging. These are still shallow waters with me and they're pretty hard to navigate. All I can do is my best when she's here and hope it progresses at her other home. Co parenting is not something they teach you. It's something you drown in until hopefully you figure it out. Out of THREE biological mothers we co parent well with ONE (thanks Becky!) my advice this morning to all you parents and step parents in a co parenting relation is to first PRAY ON IT, try and communicate with the other parent (yep. Laugh it up. I know). Ultimately you're all trying to do what's best for your child. Try to keep that in the forefront of your mind this weekend while you're all visiting with your kids!! Have a blessed Saturday guys!!

Kristen

Tubes or No Tubes?

Hello Ladies!!


So my husband and myself have struggled with the reality of ear infections within the last year (If I never see antibiotics again I'll be totally fine with that). So my smallest step daughter Ashley had a bout with ear infections in early 2015 for a few months. She had about 8 ear infections in 10 weeks, I know insane right? We took the pacifier from her when she was under a year old (I think they're ridiculous but that's just me). Unfortunately she's exposed to second hand smoke during the week CONSTANTLY and was given the pacifier at her other home religiously. So this is something that hits home with me. Ashley was sent to an ENT and until recently when we got her medical records didn't realize how serious the concern was for tubes. Needless to say she never had tubes put in her ears (don't make your shocked face yet, my life gets better). She was diagnosed with speech delay AND hearing loss. I wanted to bring some awareness to this situation because yes, tubes can be a scary thing. When the doctor comes out and says your child has to be put under to get tubes in I can imagine what goes through every mothers head. Anesthesia, pain, keep the ears dry, do you even bother bathing them? It's summer time and my child wants to go swimming plus four hundred million other questions. Here's the low down on the tubes process for all you worried mamas out there! Normally a child has to have so many ear infections in a certain amount of time before they suggest tubes (we hit that goal pretty quickly). The pediatrician will suggest you go to an ENT (which we did). During Ashley Badashleys experience the ENT put her on long term antibiotics to see if he could clear up the infection. Unfortunately that didn't help at all, she got an ear infection pretty rapidly after that. Because Ashley didn't get the tubes put in when she should have they did some significant damage. She had to see an audiologist which determined some hearing loss :( Don't wait to put tubes in, the Doctors are pretty good at what they do and it's such an easy process they'll never even know it happened! I've also attached a few resource links for you guys about the dangers of pacifiers and exposure to second hand smoke for EVERYONE especially children. Hope you guys have a fantastic day and this stuff helps you out for your little ones! I've recently added a screen shot of a comment from my Facebook of my friend staci who's son had tubes put in! Thanks for sharing staci! 

 

Tubes: 

http://kidshealth.org/en/parents/ear-infections.html


Exposure to second hand smoke: 

http://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/data_statistics/fact_sheets/secondhand_smoke/health_effects/

https://www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/conditions/tobacco/Pages/Dangers-of-Secondhand-Smoke.aspx

Pacifiers yay or nay?

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/infant-and-toddler-health/in-depth/pacifiers/art-20048140

When faith is hard to come by

As I wake up on this awesome Friday morning it really hits me how much I've battled with my faith recently. When Leigha was taken a year ago I thought for sure God was gonna do me a solid and rectify this situation immediately. One week turned into a month which turned into a year. There have been SO MANY court dates where we thought "this is the one. This is the one where God saves Leigha". After a while I really started to question my faith. I knew God existed, I knew he loved me. But why didn't he love me enough to bring my child home? Funny thing about faith, it's not something you can buy or borrow. You just have to have it. I've had so many times where I was so angry with God only to have someone remind me that the enemy has power too. The enemy had enough power to take Leigha and keep her away. My beautiful child of God was a victim of my enemy. My little girl who LOVED kids church and vacation bible school and the Christian songs on the radio. My child was placed in an environment where she's forced to question the existence of this amazing creator and I wasn't there to help her through this battle. THIS was a direct attack on my family and it took me months to realize it wasn't God doing this. For all you incredible Moms DONT LOSE YOUR FAITH. My husband recently said to me while I was questioning my faith "the enemy WANTS you to feel this way towards God and the church. Don't let him. Keep praying". 

Keep praying mamas. Keep going to church. Keep instilling the love of the King into your children. Don't let the enemy diminish your faith. Jesus loves me, this I know for the bible tells me so :) have an incredibly blessed Friday ladies!!

Kristen

 

Fight or Flight?

I recently started thinking more and more into the humans "fight or flight" response system. If you're not sure what this is, fight or flight is a psychological response to a traumatic event. Example: When the doorbell rings I go into a panic attack thinking it's someone bad i.e. detectives or DCPP. Why? because less than a year ago not only did they kidnap my step daughter but they also sent detectives to my house two days later at 7:30 am to try and get me to fess up to what they assumed I did. My fight or flight response automatically kicks in even if it's the pizza man! What makes our bodies want to go into this fight or flight mode? How does our brain choose fight or flight? To be honest here I never really had to experience the fight or flight response. My life was always genuinely easy, no arrest record, no jail time, a few speeding tickets. It wasn't until they ripped my step daughter out of my home and all of a sudden I was in "mama bear mode". I never had the flight response, not once did I ever want to give up on her and walk away. Never. I was her mom, I was the one who she needed. When she woke up with an ear infection, or didn't want gluten free bread so I told her unicorns eat it and that's how they poop rainbows (don't judge me!). This child was the sole reason in life why I needed to find my fight response and use it. Being a mom, a step mom, a parent automatically means you go to the fight mode. You fight for your kids, you protect them from whatever is harming them. That's what you do. You don't run away and hope for the best, you get them what they need. God Bless every single one of you parents out there, step parents just as much. Children need you, and you need them. When you want to go into "flight" mode and run away from the scariness, remember that child needs you to fight for them. 

always choose to fight for your children. Always.

Fountain of Life Best Dressed for Less!

Hey guys!

Fountain of Life in Burlington is having another best dressed for less consignment sale! I got my ticket, I've never personally been to one but a good friend of mine Kylie goes all the time and insists I go there for the girls! They have everything from bedding to toys to clothes of all sizes. It's $18 to get in and then whatever you buy at amazing prices for your kids! I encourage you guys to head out and see what deals you can find, post what you find in the comments! This consignment goes from August 18-20, don't miss it!

http://www.bestdressedsale.com/shop.htm

The Crazy life of THIS step mother!

Good Afternoon guys!

So recently (Oh I don't know, the past year of my life) it's really hit me pretty hard what a step mom really does in life. A step mom chose to love kids that weren't hers, on top of kids she'll give birth to. Here's a little background on me :)

In 2014 I met my husband Michael. We dated for a while and then we moved in together in August of 2014. We got our first apartment together and my beautiful step daughter Leigha moved in with us (obviously). Now this is the SMARTEST little girl I've ever met my entire life. Right before we moved in I potty trained her which she did instantly. She never had a problem with it! I was so lucky to be able to raise this little girl. When she realized she got her own room, her own toys and her own Ariel mermaid bed she was so excited! I got to decorate her room, pick out her clothes, choose her school, everything! It was the best time of my life to hang out with this little girl. Unfortunately Leigha didn't always have an easy life. Leigha was born in 2011 addicted to heroin :( She spent three weeks in the NICU. Her mother had a long drug and criminal history and continued this while pregnant with this beautiful little girl. Unfortunately at this time the state didn't have any restriction on drug addicted babies and she got to return home with her mother. Shortly after this Leighas mother was arrested and her father was granted full custody, YAY! She spent the next few years learning from her father and bonding. It was incredible to watch! With this upbringing eventhough she was born with ten fingers and ten toes, Leigha had some neurological misfires. During the heroin use everytime her mother used a massive amount of dopamine was distributed through her body in utero. Now at 2 and a half when I met her she couldn't cope with much. If anything set her off instead of a regular temper tantrum Leigha went to self harming. She would smack, choke, punch herself and rip her hair out. Until recently we couldn't comprehend how this didn't hurt her, flash back to my dopamine comment. Because of the massive amount of dopamine distributed through her body because of the heroin addiction her body continues to do this ,therefore Leigha really DOESN'T feel the pain. Amazing isn't it? So flash forward a year and Leighas mom is back in her life. I won't go into details because I really don't want this blog to bash on another human being, but I will say her behavior declined. Over the next few months Leigha got scary angry until eventually one very very sad day in September monsters from the Division of Child Protection and Permanency came into my home and legally kidnapped my step daughter. On top of doing this she was shuffled in and out of multiple foster homes and eventually placed with her mother. The only information I can distribute here is that she has multiple bed bug bites and is now violent towards other people :(

This is a very small portion of my life in the past year as a step mother and let me tell you, IT'S HARD. This is going to be a continuous blog where step mothers can come together and vent, or scream or yell or tell me how your awesome step daughter made honor roll! I don't know many step  moms but the ones I do are a powerhouse of friendship for me. Let me know what you're going through and we'll talk, or laugh and cry. I'll also be posting random updates about my three step daughters and how they're doing. Brianna is 10, Leigha is 4 and Ashley is 2! Tell me about yours! and keep checking back for all kinds of fun kids activities I find!

Have a fantastic day ladies!

Kristen