What I wish I would have known

I feel like I've said this before but I'll say it again. As a little girl growing up I didn't dream of being a step mom. It wasn't something I was shooting for or something I really wanted to be. It literally just happened one day! At the ripe age of 25, I met my husband and his THREE girls and their THREE moms. Scary right? yeah, just a tad. Now that were going on four years together and two years married I'd like to share with you wonderful step mama's what I wish I would have known before venturing into this wonderful life as a step mom :)

1. DO YOUR DAMN RESEARCH. If I could scream this at every woman who is even thinking about getting attached to a man with kids I would. I wish I would have sat down on Pinterest or even google and just read what half the things other step moms were saying. You should be reading things until they're absolutely terrifying to you because just when you think it's terrible, bio mom will do something even more insane and set your world on fire. trust me. Your best bet is to read step mom blogs and find out what the real deal is so you have the opportunity to run if you want.

2. You have to take time out for each other. This is such a big thing I really can't stress enough. Again, three kids and three bio moms. That's literally a storm waiting to happen. It's always something and we have our twelve year old all the time right now so that just adds to the chaos. Thankfully we work extremely well with her mom and are in constant contact so that works great. Regardless you have to make time for your relationship or resentment is going to start to happen. If you're not willing to put out some extra effort don't bother with being a step parent. Unfortunately, you're coming into a crazy life and you just have to work a little harder.

3. Spending one on one time with your step kids is extremely important. My oldest was eight when I met her and that was the hardest relationship to form. It was hard because she'd already had eight entire years with her mom. She knew the ins and outs of life with her mom, every bruise, scrape, and disappointment. I was this new lady coming into her dad's life who didn't have the best track record in the past with women. She didn't know what to do, who to trust or where to go. Eventually when we were super stable and living together things just fell into place. As she got older it was still difficult, now that we have her full time it's easier to get to know her and who she is as a human and a little adult. Just be aware when kids are older it's going to be much more difficult to form that relationship and bond. Don't take it negatively, just be prepared.

4. You need to be ready to be on the worst roller coaster of your life, and you're probably going to throw up. Not everyone is in a situation like mine where there are three women but I can personally tell you life has sucked on and off. Some bio moms are more psychotic than others, everybody's situation is different. Mike's ex-wife is more likely to go through me than my husband lol. We co parent really well and know how open communication works. And our twelve-year-old is thriving off of that because that's what matters. I'm in a working relationship with our youngest that still deals with its issues but you have to realize this is going to happen. Blow out fights are GOING TO HAPPEN. You have to take the hits when they come and try to deal with it.

5. If you decide to take on being a step mom (Bless your heart) you need to find a support group NOW. I waited years before finding a support group and once I did it was the best thing I could have done for myself. These groups allow you to vent as a step mom and not feel guilty. You can commiserate on things that are going on with bio mom and not be judged. Those are your girlfriends, those are the people that are going to be your rock at the end of the day. Find yourself a good group of fellow step moms and stick with them. 

6. Finally, you don't have to participate in every argument that's thrown your way. I can tell you right now I battle with this CONSTANTLY, especially being in the public eye now. I've been antagonized constantly until I had some sort of reaction. At the end of the day, if you're going to be a step mom, you need tough skin. And you better get it quickly cupcake. I've had people call me fat, put pig faces on Facebook detailing me, I've had women suggest I'm getting a divorce and they're moving in with my husband. Crazy is crazy girlfriend and you need to be able to protect yourself. Put your guard up and walk away from anything that doesn't better you. Unfortunately, step moms are still considered evil people so your best bet is to ignore the haters and love those kids. 

I genuinely hope these are helpful to any current step parents or any one considering becoming a step parent. I wish I would have had access to something like this when I first met my husband. It's at least something to warn you it's not for the weak!