Dear Bio Moms

I'm not sure about anyone else but I feel like there's a lot that ends up left unsaid between bio moms and step moms. I feel like there's a weird limbo sometimes where you really want to say something but it's super uncomfortable because well ... drama. Who the heck wants to deal with that?

Well! I've been a step mom going on four years shortly and I've learned SO MANY LESSONS. One of which is to stop keeping my mouth shut, hence my now very public brand! I've given bio moms the benefit of the doubt and I've been spit on and lied to. So here's a dedicated blog to all the bio moms out there as to what's really going on in our minds and what we're really thinking!

1. WE LOVE YOUR CHILDREN. *gasp* I said it. Suck it up. I understand you're bio mom and that kid came out of your cooch but children are encouraged to love people. Why can't more than one person love your kid? We love all the same things about them that YOU do! Their laugh, their jokes, their incessant need to play with purple sand they don't actually like. The way they figure out how to blow bubbles in their cup. They may not have come from us but dammit we love them also. We may not have that immediate motherly bond with them but there's a different kind of bond and it's filled with love. I promise.

2. We aren't trying to replace you. Seriously, read that again girlfriend. I deal with three different baby mamas and can only keep a relationship with ONE because were real with each other. I can count on one hand how many blow out fights we've had screaming at each other but look at us ... adulting. Becuase she KNOWS I'm not trying to replace her as a mother. Seriously that's the legit truth, it's not smoke and mirrors. Plenty of step moms have their own biological children. We're literally married into this and for the sake of the child's mental and emotional health, we try to make this a family. Let that happen. Don't let your craziness and your insecurities affect your kid, because that isn't fair and you know it.

3. We want to get along with you. Legit we want to form a relationship. I've tried to form relationships with baby moms and I have zero relationships with one, sort of a relationship with another and a sister wife relationship with my husband's ex-wife. Mainly because she's the most mature! There's never a time where we WANT to hate you and create drama. There's a whole list of things in my head and hating you is NOT one of them. I've done Mothers Day gifts for my bio moms, I've sent text messages, I've put my feelings second in order to preserve theirs. So take that into consideration when you're genuinely just thinking that we married your ex for drama's sake. Trust me, we'd rather be on a beach in the Bahamas drinking Bay breezes than fighting with you.

4. We love your ex, even if you don't. My husband's ex-wife will tell you she still loves my husband but she isn't IN love with my husband. Comes off weird at first right? But my husband helped create this super awesome tiny human and for that, he is loved. She fell out of love with him when they got divorced and that's okay. I married him because I LOVE him and that's what matters. Everyone is trying their best in these situations so let's try to keep it kosher. Just remember he's my husband and there will always be a form of protection there regardless of who's wrong.

5. Divorce sucks, I know. I would never wish a divorce on anyone or a breakup. Ideally, two people make a baby and they're together forever. But the reality of that is it's just not true all the time. In my step kids situations, they were young enough to where life really just seemed normal to travel between two homes and have two sets of parents. My youngest Ashley will never know any different. It's always been Kristen and daddy and mommy and whoever she's with. That's just life but I would never want a kid to have to go through that. So let's just play the same game and try to ensure this child has a really awesome life okay?

6. Being a step mom is not what I envisioned for myself when I was younger. Can we just be honest here? No step mom ever sat around dreaming of their wedding to a man who's divorced with three kids by three different moms. That literally never even occurred to us. But here I am ... living the life. Step moms have always been shown as evil people (thanks, Disney, jerk). But this is the life I chose with my husband and I'm willing to swallow my pride on most things and try to live my life the way I want. Remember sharing my house and finances wasn't something I chose either. so when you try to get my husband to "not tell me something" just realize that isn't going to work. I'm going to know everything and just like I swallow my pride, you're going to have to swallow yours. Kay?

7. Sometimes you genuinely need to stop being so fucking crazy, there I said it. Sit down and turn the psycho off. I'm not saying every bio mom is this way but two out of three of mine are and that's not a fun ratio. I get your protecting your kids but relax. Get a glass of wine and get to know me and understand me before you go nuts. Don't text my husband in the middle of the night asking stupid questions. Don't tell him to not tell me things. Don't tell him you miss him or want him back. Seriously, it's over. lay off. You are co parenting, please leave it at that. I'm not the jealous type but certain things send up red flags for me, so please just be normal and parent your kid. please.