How to raise an introverted child

As I write this blog this morning I'm thinking of both my step daughters who are very clearly different. Ashley who is going to be four very shortly ( I don't know how that happened ) is our extrovert child. She's outgoing, will talk to anyone and play with anyone. She's the light of the room all the time, ultimately she's my spitting image. I'm a marketing representative for a hospital and that's my personality. My beautiful soon to be twelve year old is a spitting image of her father. She's very introverted, doesn't feel the need to be the center of attention or be around people all of the time. She's a very polite, well raised child who likes to be alone most of the time. These girls are the sunshine in my day and today I want to touch base with you guys on how to raise an introverted child in an extroverted world. Here's some tips I hope help!

1. Do not be ashamed to be an introvert.

Don't make kids feel bad for not wanting to be the center of attention. Or being overly shy in situations. Sometimes with introverted kids they don't want to do things that other kids would do normally. Your job as their parent is to make them feel comfortable enough to go into the world and not feel weird about being an introvert. Some kids like big crowds, some don't. Either way is okay.

2. Give them some time by themselves.

This one I've been picking up lately with Brianna. She's twelve so it's already an age where when they say "leave me alone" that's genuinely what they mean. There's no hidden message now. Introverts tend to need time by themselves to recharged. My husband is also an introvert who does well in social situations now but even at home he's more likely to choose a movie night at home with me and the kids than a night out somewhere. It's just who he is and I'm trying to conform and understand him so I can give him that time by himself. Even if he needs to just go wash the car or sit in the room for a bit. When Brianna gives me an answer or just wants to be quiet on the ride home, I have to be cool with that.

3. Assist them on how to express their feelings properly

So if you know my husband, you know he doesn't do feelings. like ever. The only raw emotion I can get from him is anger, sometimes sadness if something is really bad. Brianna is the same way, I could tell her we got tickets for 21 pilots and she'd give me a smile LOL! That's about all the excitement you'll get out of her, and that's okay. My job is to teach her how to express feelings regularly. If you feel you're being bullied I have to teach her how to speak up for herself. She just said to me the other day sometimes she can't say no to people because she's too nice. My job is to teach her how to be able to say no politely and walk away. Introverts tend not to like confrontation so they don't deal with it. 

4. Arrange more play dates instead of group activities

Michael does really well at parties now but he wasn't always that way. And like her dad, Brianna does really well in smaller groups. Where Ashley can go to a party with thirty grown ups and hold conversations with all of them. Arrange more smaller group activities for your introvert, this makes them feel more in control and tend to engage socially better this way. When introverts get older they still need to be able to function in society, so after school clubs are a great way to get them involved in social activities that aren't like a coming out party to them.

5. Talk to the school and their teachers

Sometimes kids get lost in the crowd. School is a great place for introverts as ironic as that sounds. It gets them involved socially with other children and puts them in situations where they're required to problem solve. Just make sure the school and their teachers know she's a bit shy and introverted and putting them on the spot makes them nervous. Once the teachers know how a child is they're better off working around a child and working them into certain things. Tween and teenagers have it tough to begin with. Make it a bit easier for them!

I hope some of this helps with your introverted kids! Introvert, Extrovert, doesn't matter! You can help your child succeed in life as long as you're willing to listen to your child and really help them in whatever they want!

Kristen