We've all been there right? It's Saturday and you're kids are being the biggest jerks they could possibly be and you're pretty sure your life is about to turn into the Lord of the flies? yup. So a few months ago Ashley started this thing where she knew she could push her limits BUT she would weigh whether or not it was worth getting in trouble for! This lasted a very short amount of time and it's really hilarious to think about it now. I was doing laundry one time and she kept giving my side glances and dirty looks. I'm pretty sure I'd told her she can't eat the cat poop. I know I know step monster! SO I told her if she kept looking at me that way she'd find herself in time out. WELL LET ME TELL YOU. She shot me the DIRTIEST look and then proceeded to put HERSELF in time out. Mhm. Sat her baby butt right at the top of my stairs and I can tell you she legit thought it was worth it! So this got me thinking about methods of discipline that work and don't work, so lets hear it already!
1. Stop talking shit.
Seriously. Shut up. If you're not going to step up and take action, quit talking shit because you're kids can smell bullshit a mile away. If they're jumping on the couch and you've told them once to stop, go over there and remove them from the couch. If they're blowing bubbles in their cup and won't stop, take their cup. If you don't follow up with consequences they'll think you're full of shit.
2. Do Nothing.
I know you think I'm crazy because this is the opposite of what I've just said BUT different situations right? I can't tell you how many times I've said to Ashley "don't do that you're going to get hurt" and her quick response is "No I not, I okay". mhm. To that I just let her figure it out herself! If she falls and scrapes her knees now she knows for the future to listen. As long as it isn't life threatening let them realize that jumping in puddles gives you wet feet and that sort of sucks a lot.
3. Logical Consequences
Kids have to learn consequences for their actions, this also teaches them responsibility. If they'd like to continue to play with their puzzle they have to show you they can put it back where it belongs when they're done. If they want to play in their room they have to prove they can clean it up when they're done. I've done this with Ashley for years and at four years old this chick can put away her own laundry. If they can't clean up their room then they don't get to take things out. They'll quickly learn the results of things.
4. Problem Solving
This used to drive me crazy when I would see parents doing things for their kids. Ashley will constantly say things like "I can't do this" and it kills me because she can. If they get into a situation, let them figure it out! I have Ashley problem solve all the time, this also builds self confidence that they CAN do what they set their mind to! Just have patience :)
5. "When" and "Then"
This is great for kids. It teaches them results of things. I can't force my kids to go wash their hands before dinner but I can tell them clean hands are required for dinner! This ensures that they realize when they do something, then they get something. When you clean your room THEN you can go play in your sand box.
6. Offer Choices
This goes for different ages but it does work out well. When a child gives you a hard time about what they want to wear, give them TWO choices. Set out two outfits for them to pick from. Ultimately you're making a choice but they feel the power of decision making. I offer Ashley two different options for breakfast and lunch giving her the power of decision.
7. Positive Time Outs
I can honestly tell you I have no idea when the last time Ashley was in time out. I've raised a pretty decent human being in my home and nothing she ever does warrants a time out to be honest. She's always well behaved in public and even when she catches an attitude at home she's okay BUT when she has had to be in time out it's usually to calm down. If they're hysterical you need to make this a positive thing at the end. I go up to her and ask her why she believes she's in time out. We go over why what she did was not okay and we end with hugs and kisses. They always need to know you still love them even if they were being an asshole.
These tools seemed to help me a lot while raising Ashley in our home and even Brianna benefits from them being a tween. Were raising human beings that are to be released into society to eventually run our world. We need to treat that with the massive respect and responsibility that it is! Spanking isn't necessary if you use the positive reinforcement skills. Some kids need it more than others. I'm not completely against spanking but I've been lucky enough not having to use it. I hope these suggestions help! Send me an email with your suggestions on positive discipline techniques!
Kristen
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