Truths about being a step mom

Good morning! I've been so lax with the blog lately just because life has caught up to me! I'm sure you've all seen my pictures from our family photo shoot with our incredible photographer Stephanie! They came out better than I could have planned and am so thankful to have been able to catch our families love in these pictures. Between the pictures, babysitting and just being plain crazy I haven't had time to update on anything! So lately I've just kind of been loving on my family and really thinking about life as a stepmom. There's some serious truths out there that nobody really wants to touch on. So this blog is dedicated to the hard truths about becoming a step parent!


1. Always put your marriage first
This came to me a few weeks ago because we always tend to put many other things before our marriage such as the kids. Were so busy making sure the kids are okay, the animals are okay, the house is clean that we forget that our marriage needs to be tended to as well. We always say "God, marriage, kids". That's how it should be! Nobody wants to talk about sex but we need to be honest, that's a very legit thing. Me and Michael really have to be "on top" of it no pun intended LMAO. Because if not things just tend to fall apart, we have to make it a point to love on each other and give our marriage the attention it deserves :)

2. Sometimes you're going to feel like you're competing with the ex.
It happens. And they're totally normal feelings. Not once did I ever think i'd have to have this much contact with my husbands exes. It never even crosses your mind. You have to remember not to compare households and don't compete with them either. As a matter of fact if someone is mentally abusing the child with lies and manipulation ... let them! Crazy right? But you have to, you just have to take the high road. You cannot subject yourself to it, don't compete with it. It's not worth it. Just continue to love that child and move on, trust me it will save your sanity!

3. Wasting time on disliking his ex is pointless.
GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY PLEASE LISTEN TO THIS. If this is the only one you read then thank the Lord above. I repeat it is NOT worth wasting time on disliking any of his exes. It's not. It will cause fights, it will drive you crazy and guess what? She's not going to change! She may be ABSOLUTELY INSANE but you getting mad over her nonsense is just killing you because she doesn't care. Don't waste your time, just love your husband and those kids. That's ultimately what matters is how much you are a family. She can go keep her craziness and do whatever it is she's doing. Not your monkey, not your circus!

4. Child support WILL cut into your monthly expenses.
It happens. And it's something I have to factor into my budget every single month. Mike pays for three separate kids and it's all on my excel spread sheet. It's in the money orders I get, it's in his paycheck when it goes directly to the moms. But to be honest, he made those kids. He needs to help pay for them. With Tammy and Becky not only does he pay child support but ninety percent of the time if they ask me for something i'm more than willing to buy it. Brianna needed a book for her new school year so Becky asked for help. I bought it and shipped it to her house. Because it's also our obligation to help take care of that child. Ashley needs a winter coat? Done. It's just something you have to factor in and eventually it will just be normal.

5. Ignore the gossip
This is hard. Being a step mom you're just going to be the topic of gossip. Especially if you have a mother who just wants to hate you. I've been the subject of SO MANY RUMORS. Right after me and michael got married the rumor was he was getting divorced. Two years later obviously it's not true! You have to ignore them because if you listen to them you'll drive yourself crazy. Anyone who matters will know the truth and that's what matters. Just laugh and brush it off, a smile is going to kill them more than anything!

6. You need some fellow step moms to help.
I have two friends including my sister in law that are step parents. My sister in law has four step daughters and has been through the ups and downs for YEARS. She's always a good source to go to because she's been there. It's easy to go to her with my frustrations and air them out. She can also come to me for that because we can crack open a bottle of wine and bitch about it and feel so much better without making a scene! Put some step mamas in your corner for those days where you feel like you need to throat punch someone.

7. Step parenting is one of the hardest things you will do.
And don't ever let someone tell you that you're "just a step parent". You're so much more than that. It's ultimately harder than raising your own kid without any outside influences. You have to work around numerous schedules, potential sadistic exes, and crazy situations. My best advice to you is to love your husband and try to provide some normalcy for the kids. If the kids see you all getting along than that's what really matters. They don't need the down and dirty details of grown up lives. Just let them see you all working as a team because that will give them the best possible life.


I hope some of this helps you guys! It's a tough world out there but I'm always here for venting or just to give some advice! I hope you all enjoy your Monday and the rest of your week :)


Kristen


here's some of the pictures from our family photo shoot!