Who's your daddy?

Good Morning!

So sorry for the lack of updates lately life has been INSANE. Most of you know what's happening and I don't want to give out too much information on this public forum (mainly because i'm pretty sure i'm living in a lifetime movie). Anyway, so my recent life as a step mom has included my youngest step daughter have a gnarly cold in the middle of summer (probably due to the enormous amount of cigarette smoke she's exposed to) and my middle step daughter being raised in an environment teaching her to be entitled. As always Brianna is fantastic and coming up on her eleventh birthday :) so excited for her, never any worries regarding her thank GOD. Were so blessed to have a good relationship with her mom and step dad enough to where we can all work together and Brianna isn't put in a position to feel uncomfortable loving any of us. Were always sending up prayers that relationship continues to flourish. Ashleys always her adorable self but our biggest problem seems to be the lies were being fed and lack of communication. Lately we've been dealing with ashley calling someone else "DADDY" which is a huge issue. We've dealt with a huge wave of issues most of her life, mostly health related and parenting related. Such as "stop giving her the pacifier she's two" or "lets try not to smoke around the baby" which has always been met with opposition. Now that she's older we've always taught her who I was and what role I play in her life. she'll consistently call me "Kristen" or "my Kristen" which is super fine with me. It helps establish who people are in her life and that doesn't diminish my love for her. Unfortunately because there's another man in her mothers life that also brought the problems of "who's daddy" which breaks my heart. My husband has been a constant person in her life, seriously. We have her every weekend! That's much more than most fathers (or even court orders will allow) AND has joint legal custody. Yet we continue this slippery slope of not knowing anything medically that's going on with her, we don't know about any pre school she's in, we don't know where she's living or who she's living with (which the court order says we should know). After the crazy past two weeks I just find it really hard to co parent with some people. Some people are very spiteful and only want the child to spite my husband, some women just don't have the energy or desire to be a mom. Were definitely fighting a battle for what's actually "in the best interest of the child".  I would love some feedback on this post you can leave in the comment section here or on my Facebook post of any women that are also co parenting right now. How do you have your child address your significant other? Do you allow them to call someone else mommy and daddy or is that a special name to you? I'm finding it really hard to sit back as the step mom and watch these childrens lives be destroyed everyday because these moms make it all about them and not the child. Any opinions or stories are always welcome! Ya'll enjoy your Friday and stay blessed and safe this weekend!

Kristen

The New Wife Is Your Best Resource

I've almost made it through my day! As I finish up a conversation with briannas mom which is probably the easiest thing I've done my entire morning (shocker right? moms and step moms, talking, communicating, LAUGHING, how taboo). It comes to my mind someone once saying to me "the best thing for a biological mother to do is make friends with the new wife, because she will either be your best friend or worst enemy. don't burn that bridge." and to be honest that makes a lot of sense. ultimately your divorce, or separation or just lack of being together anymore has caused this child to be in two separate homes. Which honestly isn't that weird anymore, it happens a lot. What doesn't happen is families working together for the best interest of the child. Someones always jealous, someones always trying to use the child as a tool to get back at the other parent. It's absolutely insane. I tried with Leighas mom for months against my husbands wishes to incorporate Leighas mom more into her life. I invited her on Leighas school field trips, I gave her the paper to order school pictures (which she quickly asked US to pay for for her, go figure), I tried to work into weekends which ended up backfiring. I tried, I wanted everything to be kosher. We all know how that's worked out for me. Ashleys mom I always tried to text, or speak to in person about anything that was going on. I always tried to be a bridge between two people who clearly did not get along to try and make things better for Ashley. Even through the harassing phone calls, text messages and facebook messages from her family. Even through her lack of coping of him moving on and getting married. I ALWAYS tried to be the bigger person for the kids. I never wanted them to feel like they had to choose who to love, they should love whoever loves them! As I end this rant I want to remind everyone in all honesty that even though your ex has moved on there is a CHILD involved. Suck it up, put your big girl panties on and realize a whole other family loves your kid! That's awesome! Always respect the new wife and the marriage. Always remember you catch more flies with honey :)


Kristen

Times are Tough

 

Well good morning!

So I've taken a small hiatus from the blog and social media this weekend. Super busy, super long weekend. Saturday I ran into some posts on Facebook calling me a child abuser (obviously the people posting this are of no importance and a family of drug addicts). Ashley no longer identifies Mike as "daddy". She calls him daddy Mike because mom has a boyfriend she calls daddy. Mom sees no problem with this identification and clearly shows no respect for Mike has the father. As a matter of fact she's more concerned with me commenting on her extremely revealing and inappropriate low cut tank tops than her child. Also Ashley had a nice little cold this weekend I thankfully god rid of for the most part by Sunday. I'm sure her smoke filled environment during the week will launch that back into full blown within a day. There's apparently a size confusion of some sort because Ashley's in a 2T and keeps getting sent in 18 month old clothes that clearly don't fit regardless of he numerous amounts of clothes we've sent home with her. This weekend was terrible. Terrible weekend. Being a step mom right NOW is terrible. On a great note me and Brianna's mom continue to flourish our relationship! I love that at least one of my step children has a mom and step dad we can talk to and communicate with and not have a problem. THATS what's best for the children. Grown ups that can get along and not make the child feel like they have to choose. Not to mention Brianna's very well taken care of we never ever have to worry about her. I'm just really sick of having to be labeled his evil step mom when all we ever want is to have the kids have the most normal life they can have with the blended families. Is that too much to ask for? To realize he's married and he's happy and he wants to be a good daddy? Why destroy your child just to destroy another adult? Because at the end of the day Mike isn't the one contracting COPD. Put your children above your own selfish wants, your relationships, your addictions and raise your child. Just don't act surprised when court papers arrive and you don't understand why. Y'all have a blessed Monday and let's hope this week gets better!!

Kristen 

I Have No Idea What I'm Doing

 

Good morning ladies!

That exclamation mark had no emotion behind it this morning. I'm exhausted. And today im fully aware that I was not trained properly to be an adult. Like not even close. High school did not teach me how to get rid of insane migraines, it didn't teach me about gluten at all. Man I dropped that ball. Gluten allergy, yeah it's for real and it's wreaking havoc on me. Being an adult this morning makes me want to go back to scraped knees and hugs from my mom. Being a WIFE is even harder. Why wasn't there a class for that?! With a follow up on how to be a step mom because I feel like both of these are a huge fail in my life right now. Today's a hard day. Today is a day where all of your feelings and emotions come out at once about every situation you were ever in (welcomed my migraine this morning). My fit bit also laughed at my attempt to sleep. And if one more person gives me an "all natural way" to go to sleep I'll scream. My melatonin thinks it's a game when I take it every night. Nobody told me the ride to being an adult was the best part. Making poor choices, learning from your mistakes. Now I'm a mom and a wife and I'm very ill prepared and almost positive I'm screwing it up. Today is a day I'm fighting with God and my faith because I genuinely feel like I need some serious help from the big man upstairs. It's rough. I know we've all been there. Today is a day I have to remove all of my white hats and take care of myself. And to anyone else who needs to do that, do it. Don't feel ashamed because you're useles to anyone else if you don't take care of yourself first. Your babies need you, your husband needs you, YOU need you. The daily struggles of life are incredible. But you can always pray, and keep praying. It's hard and it sucks when you're drowning and nobody's throwing you a life vest. You'll be okay. I'll be okay. Life will be okay. Y'all have a blessed Wednesday. Hump day!

Kristen

I Hope You Dance: A a letter to my step daughters

 

Oh my dear step daughters,

Let me start by you have each changed my life individually tremendously. I love you each more than you'll ever know. I entered your life pretty randomly, some of you wont know life before me, and one of you probably remembers the day you met me! My job as your step mother is to love you unconditionally forever. I'll teach you about God and faith. I've potty trained two of you, there were some hard days and some easy ones! I need you to always remember to LOVE each other. Every single day. No matter what. You are all each over has as siblings. Me and daddy have aunt Melissa and uncle Matt and I can say I wouldn't trade uncle Matt for anything and we've had some FIGHTS! You'll argue and you'll make each other cry. But you're sisters always. Don't forget that. Always remember to stay humble, whatever you've earned or been given be humble about it. School is not an option. You go. You work really really hard and you get a scholarship. I don't care if it's a scholarship for chess. You find a passion and you work towards a goal. Good grades need to happen even if it means me and daddy staying up all night to help you. College is also not an option. You go. You do good and you get a degree. Become a doctor. A lawyer. A vet. I don't care but you get a degree. When you start a job, you start a 401K. Also not an option. That's going to be what you retire on. Me and daddy will do anything for you, so when you're sixteen you'll get a job and start saving for a car. You'll buy a car and you won't put boys in it. Boys belong in church and so do you. " I love you" is not a pick up line. The first boy you fall in love with is going to break your heart. And it's going to suck. And I'm sorry. I'll buy you rocky road ice cream and take you shopping. But you WILL be fine. I promise (I've had my fair share of heart breaks before daddy). Find a best friend and KEEP HER. She's going to be your lifeline most of your teenage years. But no matter what you can come to me for anything. And it stays between us unless it's harmful to yourself or someone else. Don't ever forget how amazing you each are in your own ways and I love you for that so much. Always remember at the end of the day you have me and daddy. You have our love and our constant support. Don't lose your faith, it's amazing how easy that is to do. Go to church, it sounds like early mornings and not much fun but pastor Adrian is awesome and pretty funny. Just listen, he makes some pretty valid life points. Don't ever feel like you can't come to me with questions about anything. Boys, school, sex, protection. I'll answer all your questions and point you in the direction of the right path. The one with all the scary arrows and boys with great hair, avoid that one. You don't want to go there. Boys will hurt your feelings, but if they ever hurt your body you tell daddy. Bruises are not a sign of love I promise you that. Don't forget God, he'll be the one you go to when things get tough. You may not hear him, but he hears you. Always keep praying. Put sun screen on!! Melanoma is not a joke and it's not cute. If y'all ever have a little brother, don't pick on him! And don't pick on each other. Always remember me and daddy love you more than you'll ever know. And don't forget nana and pop, and mom mom and pop pop. They'd lay down their lives for you and probably have more than once. Visit them every chance that you get. Go be something incredible in this world. Stop the hate. Create peace. Adopt an animal. Be something. Do something. Travel. Go somewhere incredible. Don't let boys hold you back. I love you girls so insanely much it hurts. I love I love you I love you!! 

Love,

Your crazy step mom 

 

 

Abuse is a Real Problem

Happy Tuesday!

This is kind of a heavy subject this morning but it really gets under my skin. It's recently been told someone I know is claiming abuse and it's not true. Her boyfriend supposedly beats her black and blue, he's abusive, he's a horrible person. But when it comes down to the truth, there's no marks. There's no evidence. There's real live women out there being beaten up every single day. Who are forced to wear makeup and dark sunglasses. Who have to find a shelter to go to to get away from their abusers. Women who need help, and to be saved. Women who lie about abuse for attention from another man, or even the man they're claiming beat them make me sad. It just really bothers me when people claim abuse and there is none. You can ruin people's lives with those accusations. If you're not happy in a relationship, leave. Don't lie. Go volunteer at a women's shelter with actua beaten and abused women. Join a sex trafficking seminar to see how real that situation is here in the home of the free. Don't put your child in an environment you're claiming you're being abused in. End of my rant this morning, y'all will get something way more positive later!! Stay cool out there!

Kristen 

The Sky's Not Falling Yet Chicken Little

 

Good evening guys :)

Michael left a little while ago to attend his court ordered parenting classes. Funny. I know. And as I sit here and watch Gilmore girls and listen to the storm I'm a little nostalgic in our first apartment. This week is moving week and it's CRAZY. We've had some good memories here. Our first place together, the girls first room, Ashley's first steps were taken here, we got married here, came home from our honeymoon to this apartment. There's a lot of good here. There's also some bad. Leigha was kidnapped from here, we've had some pretty knarley fights here because of that situation. Our faith and marriage has been tested here. Thinking about the good and the bad I have to remind myself no matter where we go the enemy is going to find us but so is the Lord. We're moving onto better things, bigger things. Our second apartment will eventually lead us to our first home. That will lead me to my first pregnancy and Ashley being a big sister eventually. It's hard moving on and being insanely scared but when you have faith that God will protect you it all just seems a little better. The enemy will push until you reluctantly let him in. DONT. Run the other way. Run to God. Run to prayer. Because that's what you need to fight. The harder you pray the harder it is for him to get in your heart. This week of moving might be crazy. It might be hard to move on but I get to move on with my husband and kids. I get to move on. Always remember to keep moving forward. And always remember to pray!! Have a good night guys!

Kristen