The truth about co-parenting as a stepmom

Good morning!

So after this long, LONG weekend I'm feeling a certain type of way as a stepmom. People honestly don't tell you the truth about being a step mom and then it's this huge surprise when you become one and it's not all fairy dust and unicorn kisses. My sister in law was the most honest about it and told me directly that it's probably going to suck most of the time. Not because of the kids, or the husband, but it's going to be the co-parenting. Lord have mercy was she right. Again let me preface with we co-parent very well with Brianna's mom and step dad Corey. Not that we didn't have any bumps in the road ever, trust me we had our disagreements and arguments BUT the point is we were able to be adults and work it out. Because at the end of the day it really is all about the kid, that's not just a cute meme people post on Facebook. Brianna is our only child who knows who her family is, what role they play and that she can feel comfortable loving all of us in her own way. She doesn't ever have to pick who she wants to be around. Unfortunately our other two children don't have it that easily. Let me start by saying this post is about being a step mom and having absolutely no say whatsoever with the child. Seriously. I'm not joking. I can raise that tiny little human being any way I want, in MY home. When she goes to another home, I have on say there. I can only hope they take our advice and really do what's best for her. Again, unfortunately that isn't happening. Ashley showed up with a yeast infection for the second week in a row. Again by Sunday we had it cleared up to ship her back to no mans land (because honestly we have no idea where she lives, crazy right?). In hopes that she comes back without this gnarly yeast infection next week I've found myself SO ANNOYED. Mainly because I can't take care of her during the week like I feel she should be. This is where the little voices in your head scream "YOU'RE NOT HER MOM". seriously though, I'm not. and that SUCKS. Especially because of the environment she's in during the week. I can't scream at her other family, I can't send text messages of concern, I can't even be Facebook friends. It's such a hard thing that nobody tells you about regarding being the STEP MOM and not the REAL mom. Trust me, that gets thrown in your face at least half a dozen times before the sting goes away. Co parenting with someone who doesn't even want to parent is the hardest thing to live with. You get attached to these tiny humans and you want the best for them. Here's the end of this insane rant so I can move on with my week, step parenting is TOUGH and anyone who tells you it's all roses and love notes is lying to you. Right to your face. Step parenting is probably the hardest thing you will ever do, whether the child lives with you most of the time or not. Because at the end of the day you aren't a biological parent. As much as you may have control in your house you don't have control in the child's other home. Just remember your love isn't being diminished because you're a step parent. A step parents love is so amazing because they chose to love when they didn't have to. Have a blessed week guys!

Kristen

Disciplining tiny human beings

Well Sunday afternoon has arrived!


As I sit here After my Jesus loving time with my church family I realized disciplining my tiny little human being is EXHAUSTING. literally. I need a twelve hour nap and a Xanax. During church nursery this little girl as sweet as can be did not actually want to pick up the blocks. She wanted to kick them around and pretend she was half deaf and when she could hear she didn't understand English. I even tried mandarin. So as we get home and she goes down for a nap (thank you baby Jesus) I take some Tylenol and relax for the next two and a half hours. Upon our beautiful child waking up and eating her "wogurt" she decides she wants to color. My mom bought her these awesome markers you can draw on the glass with. So I take he caps off and she sits next to me to draw. Literally I look away for ten seconds and she has the bottom of her foot colored ... How are these tiny humans so quick? After half a dozen times of "don't color on yourself, don't color on the cats, don't color on the furniture" I realize a lesson is to be learned and reluctantly take the markers. I calmly explain to her she cannot color on anything but the glass and she folds her arms and mean mugs me. Like straight up stares me DOWN. Who needs the CIA? Put my toddler in a room and she'll make you WANT to tell the truth with her staring eyes. She decides she's annoyed with me and goes to sit on the stairs. The time out stairs. As if she's putting herself there because she knows it's inevitable if she stays in my vicinity! This crazy little girl takes her time out and is now running around tormenting the cats. In all reality I thank god everyday we got blessed with this little girl because she's nowhere near the handful her sisters have been! Sorry nan! She's relatively calm and cool collected with an even minded self. Her temper tantrums consist of making mean faces at me and not speaking to me for a designated amount of time. But let me tell you, repeating myself four times just to find out she cornered pita in the living room because she "wants pita to have a bath" makes me want to rip my hair out. But at the end of the day discipline will teach children there are consequences for their actions. They have to learn the world does not bow down to them and I have to remind myself I'm raising tiny human beings to be released in the world to not become serial killers. Preferably. When it gets hard and I feel like I'm failing I remember my kid isn't skinning squarrels and sacrificing them to Satan. Which is basically a win right? So my fellow parents, when you feel like you're failing as a parent just remember you created this kid and you're doing a hell of a job raising them because honestly it's HARD. So put yourself together and keep parenting and raising awesome tiny little human beings! Have a blessed Sunday guys!!

Kristen

The scary DODD removal

Good evening friends!

I've recently found myself in an argument over the infamous DODD removal that DCPP uses to legally kidnap your kids. This blog post is to inform my fellow parents of their civil rights because as hard as it is to believe in this day and age you actually do have rights. unfortunately regarding the DODD order your rights go to hell in a hand basket, sorry to say. DODD removal is named after a legislature named Frank J Dodd, a democrat (I mean that one explains itself with the asinine order that was named after him). He really wasn't anyone important, he ended up being a sports fisherman after his political career. I feel that explains the order also. The day they took Leigha they fully believed she was in imminent danger. What does that mean? Nobody knows. It's like the never ending rabbit hole. Where's Alice when you need her? Directions please? Imminent danger goes from case worker to case worker depending on what THEY think imminent danger is. Which is pretty much a load of dog crap lit on fire in a brown bag on your front porch. Don't step on it, just let it happen. More than likely during this DODD removal they'll bring the police as intimidation to not feel the need to hurt these apparently important social workers. In reality it's just public servants protecting other public servants while they legally kidnap your child. Don't be irate, and don't freak out at the police. I can promise nobody has bail money for that. The DODD removal ensures that child protective services can remove your child from your custody in an emergency situation without a court order (because that makes complete sense) and place them in a foster home. In Leigh's situation she was removed later at night and placed in an emergency foster care home with people she didn't know and an outfit my husband scrambled to find in her princess themed room. He ended up packing very little not while four social workers walked around our apartment not even bothering to see the kind of life Leigha lives in this well kept home. While they asked my husband to sign a piece of paper it was only to make sure he had gotten a copy. I still have the order and all it says is they're removing her because of imminent danger. At this point Leigha had told numerous people I didn't touch her and she wanted to stay at home. That clearly didn't matter because the woman who removed her got a cushy $4,000 bonus for removing my child from our home under false pretenses and lies. Here's the situation, if child protective services calls you and tells you they need to speak to your child, politely tell them to go pound sand. They can't question your child without your permission (which they did in our case). child protective services is a bunch of nerds who couldn't get a real job and found an application on indeed.com and said "hey, I could be part of a movement". You're part of a movement alright, it's called human trafficking. After they remove your child as they kick and scream and cry their eyes out, they'll most likely have to pry that bundle of joy from your arms (get the tissues) they'll call you with a court date. They're mandated to provide a court date within two days of the removal to, get this, prove to a judge they removed the chid under actual abuse and they didn't just make it all up. BUT THEY DID JUST MAKE IT ALL UP. because a child TOLD YOU she wasn't being abused by her step mother. Did that matter? No. Because they wanted their bonuses. Don't believe me? State workers paychecks are public record because you know who pays them? YOU. Citizens of this great country are paying social workers to kidnap your kids. This is a sick, sick seventh circle of hell. During this court date you'll either get your kid back, or more likely, not. Here's the thing, don't let them get close enough to want to use the DODD order. They can't talk to your kids, they can't get them to say what they want, IF YOU DON'T LET THEM. The first thing you should always do is threaten THEM with a lawsuit. Tell them if they don't back away from your children (your legal property until they're 18, sorry kiddos) they'll be slapped with a lawsuit. Research your rights. These people are walking time bombs in cheap suits that drive state vehicles for a living. They literally have nothing better to do. If by any chance they do want to remove with a DODD order contact a lawyer immediately to represent you at the first hearing. That first hearing is exactly what you need to drop a bomb at. Unfortunately the state thought it would be legal to "verbally amend" me to the docket when I showed up to support my husband, then proceeded to tell me I had to "be quiet during court" because they refused to grant me a continuance to get myself an attorney. I can name seven of my civil rights that were violated in a very short period of time. This DODD order does grant them permission to remove your child, there is a good chance you can get them back but at that rate they've already spent two days with god knows who, god knows where, doing god knows what. Literally, god only knows. Because if you ask, they'll lie to you. I can't stress enough to research your rights regarding child protective services, because if you don't know them, they'll violate them. And at that point, it's already too late. Again, if any of my readers have any questions i'm more than happy to FaceTime, text message, Facebook message. anything. i'm here to help. now go enjoy your weekend and love on your babies!! I've also added some Facebook profiles to check out if you guys are looking into more of the corruption of child protective services.

www.facebook.com/cpsexposed

www.facebook.com/dyfsexposed

www.facebook.com/cspcorruption


Have a blessed night guys.

Kristen

Legally Kidnapped

The moment you've all been waiting for!

Just kidding, but this is something that hits home with me and it's something parents everywhere need to be made aware of. People picture kidnappers as people in box vans wearing trench coats and have criminal backgrounds, or are pedophiles. While that is a very real thing and that does happen quite often, it's actually more accurate to describe them as people in state vehicles that serve you with papers saying they can take your child without a court order and you can't do anything about it! The unfortunate truth is that New Jersey is one of the top states placing children in foster homes. Nation wide there are more than 463,000 children in foster homes right now, tax payers pay about $22 Billion a year or $40,000 per child every year. Within that entire budget there's about $5 Billion that goes towards KEEPING those children in foster care. Hard to believe? I was you a year ago as they ripped my step daughter from my husbands arm and placed her in multiple different foster homes in a two month period. Which threw her into separation anxiety and PTSD. But that was okay because it "was in the best interest of the child". To take her from the only parents she's ever known her entire life and place her with people she's never met. 

Unfortunately I'm not sure where my rights fall here because my first amendment rights were already violated once during this situation, not to mention my right to an attorney. That was eventful. In the state of New Jersey they've slapped lipstick on a pig and now call DYFS, DCPP. Which stands for legal kidnappers, haha just kidding. It stands for The Division of Children Protection and Permanency. Basically they've been given the right with this DODD order to come into your home and tell you they think your child is in immediate danger and they have to remove under emergency circumstances. No court order, No warning. That's it. On top of that they schedule a hearing for two days after that to determine if DCPP should have removed the child in the first place. Putting the cart in front of the horse much? yeah I think so too. Kids are more likely to age out of the system than be adopted or returned to their loving parents. Now I'm not saying every home is safe, I'm very well aware of pedophiles, sexual abuse, physical abuse and neglect. TRUST ME. I know about neglect. The average is about 3 years a child spends in the system before being returned to their parents. We've had a five month gap between court dates because the state kept asking for postponements just because they could. The turnover rate for caseworkers is incredibly high, they leave in huge groups. We've been through 10 since we started this process in 2014 (even before leigha was taken). We had caseworkers tell us they're nervous about her safety with her mother but refused to testify in court about it. We had some write in reports that her mothers house was not safe for her to have visits in but didn't do anything to stop the visits. We've had some tell us she doesn't have electricity or heat but it was not big deal because it was summer time. Let that one bake your noodle.

Leigha has told caseworkers she's scared of her mothers boyfriend, nobody even batted an eye. We've had Leigha talk about how her mom hits her in the face when she talks about myself or my husband (which the mother later admitted to) and the caseworkers told us they can't tell her how to raise Leigha. But with no proof of actual physical abuse regarding myself or my husband, they snatched her out of my home. On top of the kidnapping the office that took her also got a $4,000 bonus because they put her in foster care. They would get another $6,000 if they adopted her out. Don't believe me? I have their paychecks. That fun little "other" column on their paychecks is their bonuses. The woman who kidnapped Leigha made $15,000 in bonuses in 2015. But what do I know. They contacted leighas schools and her pediatrician to follow up on her "self harm" we claimed she had. They obviously didn't believe a child of four years old could hurt herself. After the schools and the pediatrician (who wrote a letter stating visits with her mother needed to stop because of genuine concern) backed us up about her behavioral issues, they still didn't return her. We actually didn't even get that report until months later. So instead of realizing this child needs help (that we called DCPP for NUMEROUS times for months) they put her in foster care. Where the cops were called on her because of her issues, where she switched numerous homes and we were told it was for "administrative purposes". haha. that cracked me up, I have that gem recorded.

This is only the beginning, for all of you Hillary Clinton supporters DO YOUR RESEARCH. If you have kids and are voting for this felon, you should be aware she's the reason why kids end up in the foster system. She facilitated that with bonuses for kidnapping them in the beginning. You all think all of these kids are abused? Think of Leigha, because right now she's in a bank owned home with no electricity and bed bugs crawling all over her every night. Think about her lack of education happening. Think about the help she actually needs and the help she isn't getting because the government is corrupt. Do your research, or if you don't want to, LOOK AT MINE. My child has been in and out of the system under false accusations because the state wants more money. I'm more than happy to sit down with anyone and go over the FACTS. The beginning of the school year is likely when they're going to question your kids under any pretenses. You think they'll call you to be there when they talk to them? WRONG. They'll go to their school, intimidate their teacher, question them and then take them. Don't let this happen. Bring awareness to this very serious corruption. Feel free to call, text, facebook message, anything. I'll be more than happy to help anyone. this is only the beginning and we've been doing this for a YEAR.

as always, were accepting prayers for our family and Leighas safety every single day. I wish I could be more descriptive about our particular case but again I've already been violated once with my civil rights and I'd rather not have to do that again. Fortunately we do have a judge who seems to have it together and really is looking for justice and is looking for the truth in this situation. He seems very fair and level headed and I can only thank God for providing that to us right now. Also prayers that we get a new court date soon and can end this traumatizing situation shortly. Again, KNOW YOUR RIGHTS!

Kristen

Who's your daddy?

Good Morning!

So sorry for the lack of updates lately life has been INSANE. Most of you know what's happening and I don't want to give out too much information on this public forum (mainly because i'm pretty sure i'm living in a lifetime movie). Anyway, so my recent life as a step mom has included my youngest step daughter have a gnarly cold in the middle of summer (probably due to the enormous amount of cigarette smoke she's exposed to) and my middle step daughter being raised in an environment teaching her to be entitled. As always Brianna is fantastic and coming up on her eleventh birthday :) so excited for her, never any worries regarding her thank GOD. Were so blessed to have a good relationship with her mom and step dad enough to where we can all work together and Brianna isn't put in a position to feel uncomfortable loving any of us. Were always sending up prayers that relationship continues to flourish. Ashleys always her adorable self but our biggest problem seems to be the lies were being fed and lack of communication. Lately we've been dealing with ashley calling someone else "DADDY" which is a huge issue. We've dealt with a huge wave of issues most of her life, mostly health related and parenting related. Such as "stop giving her the pacifier she's two" or "lets try not to smoke around the baby" which has always been met with opposition. Now that she's older we've always taught her who I was and what role I play in her life. she'll consistently call me "Kristen" or "my Kristen" which is super fine with me. It helps establish who people are in her life and that doesn't diminish my love for her. Unfortunately because there's another man in her mothers life that also brought the problems of "who's daddy" which breaks my heart. My husband has been a constant person in her life, seriously. We have her every weekend! That's much more than most fathers (or even court orders will allow) AND has joint legal custody. Yet we continue this slippery slope of not knowing anything medically that's going on with her, we don't know about any pre school she's in, we don't know where she's living or who she's living with (which the court order says we should know). After the crazy past two weeks I just find it really hard to co parent with some people. Some people are very spiteful and only want the child to spite my husband, some women just don't have the energy or desire to be a mom. Were definitely fighting a battle for what's actually "in the best interest of the child".  I would love some feedback on this post you can leave in the comment section here or on my Facebook post of any women that are also co parenting right now. How do you have your child address your significant other? Do you allow them to call someone else mommy and daddy or is that a special name to you? I'm finding it really hard to sit back as the step mom and watch these childrens lives be destroyed everyday because these moms make it all about them and not the child. Any opinions or stories are always welcome! Ya'll enjoy your Friday and stay blessed and safe this weekend!

Kristen

The New Wife Is Your Best Resource

I've almost made it through my day! As I finish up a conversation with briannas mom which is probably the easiest thing I've done my entire morning (shocker right? moms and step moms, talking, communicating, LAUGHING, how taboo). It comes to my mind someone once saying to me "the best thing for a biological mother to do is make friends with the new wife, because she will either be your best friend or worst enemy. don't burn that bridge." and to be honest that makes a lot of sense. ultimately your divorce, or separation or just lack of being together anymore has caused this child to be in two separate homes. Which honestly isn't that weird anymore, it happens a lot. What doesn't happen is families working together for the best interest of the child. Someones always jealous, someones always trying to use the child as a tool to get back at the other parent. It's absolutely insane. I tried with Leighas mom for months against my husbands wishes to incorporate Leighas mom more into her life. I invited her on Leighas school field trips, I gave her the paper to order school pictures (which she quickly asked US to pay for for her, go figure), I tried to work into weekends which ended up backfiring. I tried, I wanted everything to be kosher. We all know how that's worked out for me. Ashleys mom I always tried to text, or speak to in person about anything that was going on. I always tried to be a bridge between two people who clearly did not get along to try and make things better for Ashley. Even through the harassing phone calls, text messages and facebook messages from her family. Even through her lack of coping of him moving on and getting married. I ALWAYS tried to be the bigger person for the kids. I never wanted them to feel like they had to choose who to love, they should love whoever loves them! As I end this rant I want to remind everyone in all honesty that even though your ex has moved on there is a CHILD involved. Suck it up, put your big girl panties on and realize a whole other family loves your kid! That's awesome! Always respect the new wife and the marriage. Always remember you catch more flies with honey :)


Kristen

Times are Tough

 

Well good morning!

So I've taken a small hiatus from the blog and social media this weekend. Super busy, super long weekend. Saturday I ran into some posts on Facebook calling me a child abuser (obviously the people posting this are of no importance and a family of drug addicts). Ashley no longer identifies Mike as "daddy". She calls him daddy Mike because mom has a boyfriend she calls daddy. Mom sees no problem with this identification and clearly shows no respect for Mike has the father. As a matter of fact she's more concerned with me commenting on her extremely revealing and inappropriate low cut tank tops than her child. Also Ashley had a nice little cold this weekend I thankfully god rid of for the most part by Sunday. I'm sure her smoke filled environment during the week will launch that back into full blown within a day. There's apparently a size confusion of some sort because Ashley's in a 2T and keeps getting sent in 18 month old clothes that clearly don't fit regardless of he numerous amounts of clothes we've sent home with her. This weekend was terrible. Terrible weekend. Being a step mom right NOW is terrible. On a great note me and Brianna's mom continue to flourish our relationship! I love that at least one of my step children has a mom and step dad we can talk to and communicate with and not have a problem. THATS what's best for the children. Grown ups that can get along and not make the child feel like they have to choose. Not to mention Brianna's very well taken care of we never ever have to worry about her. I'm just really sick of having to be labeled his evil step mom when all we ever want is to have the kids have the most normal life they can have with the blended families. Is that too much to ask for? To realize he's married and he's happy and he wants to be a good daddy? Why destroy your child just to destroy another adult? Because at the end of the day Mike isn't the one contracting COPD. Put your children above your own selfish wants, your relationships, your addictions and raise your child. Just don't act surprised when court papers arrive and you don't understand why. Y'all have a blessed Monday and let's hope this week gets better!!

Kristen