The very real effects of heroin abuse during pregnancy

Good morning!

I saw something on social media this morning that kind of hit home for me. For anyone just jumping on board my step daughter Leigha was born addicted to opiates. For anyone reading this that thinks "that isn't true" or "that's hearsay" I have her medical records that were requested legally by her father with proof of this abuse and neglect. She spent 21 days in the NICU at Virtua weening her off of the drugs. This post is just a little insight of what this BABY went through because she was abused while in the womb. People have this very old way of thinking if a child comes out with ten fingers and ten toes that they dodged a bullet. WRONG. Leigha came out perfect physically. Mentally not so much, and nowadays they have the correct equipment and therapy to prove this connection of heroin abuse during pregnancy and the long term effects of it. Kids that have been exposed to heroin in the womb have been proven to not handle stress as well, especially in unstable environments (go figure). 68 percent of children that were exposed to opiates during pregnancy have clear signs that they cannot handle stress in stressful situations, unfortunately drug abuse during pregnancy and an unstable situation usually coincide with eachother. These children also have a higher risk of developing depression, anxiety and ADHD (which Leigha has been diagnosed with) There are studies now that show kids born addicted to these opiates can show behavioral problems well into childhood. Leigha was also diagnosed by her neurologist with ODD (oppositional defiance disorder) which symptoms include self harm (I've given you all the opportunity to read these articles with the websites at the bottom of the page). They have showed that if a child is removed from that stressful situation and was placed into a stable environment that child can thrive in their life. But leaving them in a mentally abusive situation where the child is used as ammunition will continue the damage to this child. It's not surprising that 65 percent of children born addicted to opiates are either held back a grade during elementary school or have to receive special education. In every research article I've read it clearly states that a child left in an environment of addiction with the mother who was and or is addicted compromises the child. Heroin abuse during pregnancy can also cause sleep issues for the child later on in life, that doesn't seem very concerning but when you have a toddler who refuses to go to sleep or can't go to sleep this condition has been linked to the abuse during pregnancy. I want all of my readers to be aware of the very real effects of illegal drug use during pregnancy. Leigha will suffer her entire life with possible addiction problems, behavioral disorders, just to name a few. babies are born addicted to illegal drugs every single day and it's heartbreaking to know that they didn't choose that life. Unfortunately in the state of NJ it is still legal to give birth to a baby born addicted to heroin, there's no criminal charges. Even though you actively tried to kill your fetus, but hey no problem. That's not to say the wonderful kidnappers at DCPP won't get involved but we can all say that division isn't the best people to save a child. The bottom line is these are very real issues for babies born addicted to drugs. It's something that continues to hit home for me all the time. Again, I've cited my sources to this information I've stated in this post if anyone would like to do additional research. There's also signs and symptoms of ODD use for people who don't want to cope with the fact that ODD symptoms do in fact include self harm. Save these children, they don't have voices. They need YOUR voice. fight for them.

Kristen

ODD diagnosis and symptoms:

https://www.gstatic.com/healthricherkp/pdf/oppositional_defiant_disorder.pdf

http://www.livescience.com/28042-meth-moms-babies-stress.html

http://www.crchealth.com/addiction/heroin-addiction-treatment/pregnant-heroin/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1272838/

Step monster: real or make believe?

Good afternoon lovies!

Can we talk about the ridiculousness of step parenting?! Let me preface with this past holiday with Ashley and Brianna were kind of awesome. Their moms were totally accommodating with us to do presents with the girls and have them to celebrate the holidays with. It's an amazing thing when a family can work together for the good of the child. Unfortunately Leigha was a little bit different and it was decided last minute to not allow her to receive her gifts. That unfortunately hurt Leigha more than anything to not get her gifts from her father. But that's just another hurdle we have to jump right? Unfortunately Narcissists and selfish people don't actually take into consideration the children. But the good news is we had Ashley and Brianna and such a fantastic time with them! I can personally say the struggle of a step parent is trying to form that bond with the children as well as forming that bond with the biological moms. That sounds absolutely crazy since i'm supposed to be the step monster right? I'm this horrible person who came into this mans life and married him and took on three kids that I did not give birth to. We never had that "honeymoon" period. Especially since he had Leigha full time. I was terrified of brianna because at the time she was eight and had a complete idea of what was going on. God blessed me with her not being a complete asshole to me and was actually super wonderful at welcoming me into her life. It also helped that her mom and step dad Corey got to know me and realized I wasn't this crazy crackhead that wanted to tear up lives. But they did the right thing and invited me in, i'm not saying we've never had disagreements but when we do it's a conversation. Not an argument threatening child support and court. That's ridiculous. I can honestly say now almost three years later that nobody dreams of being a step mom. You're not a little girl dreaming of growing up and marrying a man who's already been married and had kids and doing it all over again. I can say I've struggled with the fact that I won't have those kinds of firsts with him. But what I can say is it will be a first for US. In a few years we'll have a baby and it will be a completely different experience for him. He won't have to worry about me coming home and stealing diapers and formula and returning them to the store for money for illegal things. He won't have to worry about me not waking up during the night to feed the crying baby. He won't have to worry about me wandering out at all hours of the night to again do illegal activities. I'm a great wife and an even better step mom and hopefully soon to be mom. I'm not this evil wicked step mom from the storybooks, as a matter of fact most step moms are pretty awesome. It's finally come to light that ex wives, ex girlfriends, ex baby mamas, they can all get along with this woman in your childs life. It doesn't have to be this crazy, control freak situation. Who says your child can't love more than one person? Becky and Tammy both know full well they are their childs mother but when they come to my house that's the role I play at my house and it's encouraged. We want the children to feel as if they have this huge family. At the end of the day it's not about you or me, it's about them. And you can bet damn well I have their best interests at heart. I'm glad I could foster a relationship with these women and know the children are growing up in the best possible environments. Don't use your children as a weapon or one day you'll find yourself without ammunition. Do the right thing, be a grown up, take care of your child, be a family. If you're struggling with with a woman that refuses to accept you because she has this jaded idea in her head that he's going to come back to her (like I do), brush it off. He's YOUR husband, he chose YOU. You have that marriage certificate, those diamond rings, that house, he bought YOU that car, that michael kors purse, that new ipad. You're the one he sleeps next to every single night. Trust me, that's hard to wrap your head around but it's true. So go ahead and be that awesome step mom, don't let people bring you down to be that wicked step mother that puts children in ivy towers. Keep doing what you do best, raise those babies. Form that relationship. Keep that bond. Blend your family. Love. Have faith and pray to God everyday that he keeps blessing your family. 

Have an awesome new years guys! See you in 2017!!

Kristen

Do you know how frustrating this is?!

Good morning step parents!


Can I just tell you how frustrating it is to try and break through glass ceilings? It has come to my attention that I have a new audience of people who don't particularly enjoy me but they keep clicking on my page ;) So enjoy! Life currently as a step mom involves me wrapping four million presents for all the kids, family, husband, cat and what not. It also has me continuously working out to avoid stress in my life, preparing to take the kids to places, planning Ashley's birthday, and attending holiday parties. We actually DO go to holiday parties, we don't just say were going to cover up the bigger picture. Were going to my mother in laws for Christmas eve which is pretty exciting. Both of our families are going to be there for games and fun and just an awesome family gathering. We also recently got Leigha this awesome coat that's a three in one coat. It has the hood and the fleece inside and then the weather resistant coat on the outside and cute little hat and gloves to go with it. Someone has to keep her warm in the winter! Let me tell you, we have the heat on full blast in our house and it's COLD outside. I've been making really "homey" comfort meals lately. We did Chili in the crock pot the other day and it was delicious. Last night we did asparagus and pork chops in the air fryer. This air fryer was such an amazing purchase you all have to look into it. We fry everything in there and with my weight loss I'm very on top of what I eat all the time. This uses NO oil whatsoever. The pork chops were juicy on the inside and super crisp on the outside. I'm pretty strict with the kids and their sugar intake, Leigha was always gluten free and sugar free and it reigned in her ADHD pretty well. I was told I was making her into a robot by watching her diet haha which is rather funny because now they have a place called "Brain Balance" which basis their entire sessions off of clean eating and educational therapy. That's what I did for YEARS with Leigha and it would work for the most part until outside situations affected her. So this place can charge $11,000 a year for their sessions and I did it for free, but I was making her into a robot. Welp, someone was doing something right then! All I can say is Ashley fully enjoys her organic meals and organic yogurt with ice water. She doesn't ask for juice or milk, she doesn't want sugary snacks or candy. Not to mention she's fully aware we don't have any of that stuff in the house. But she does know we have fruits, veggies, water and yogurt which she will always ask for. Little kids are completely amazing to raise and they go with what they're taught. I'm not saying Ashley isn't a threenager at some points but what I am saying is we taught the girls respect. Leigha always asked to be excused from the table, she always ate her dinner (we had no eating problems which from what i'm aware seems to be an issue now), she was perfectly fine with ice water and no candy or sugar. The great thing about that is she never had cavities! Until she was introduced to candy constantly from an outside source and she did get one cavity that I had filled immediately. Now unfortunately she has numerous ones. I really try to prevent the girls from having struggles that I had growing up. There are so many medical break throughs and education now on food intake and children and how to prevent childhood obesity. There's so many more options for ADHD than adderall which is a significant drug that really shouldn't be taken by children. What I can say about being a step mom in the life that I'm in right now is that I will fight for these girls like they're my own. I don't care who I have to go through or what lawsuits need to be filed but I can tell you yesterday lit a fire underneath me and I'm going to bring an end to all the corruption and abuse happening. The girls may have no come from me but I can say I have a great relationship with two of their mothers and tried to make a relationship with the other. It should always be about the children and their well being and their mental status. Brianna fully enjoys that we can get together as a family with her mom and step dad and really communicate and enjoy time together. Ashley is also the same way, we don't have to worry about useless nonsense and fighting. Medical necessities are communicated constantly, what's happening with the children including school is always communicated with Ashley and Briannas moms. That's how co-parenting works, you communicate openly. About vacations, medical, educational. Everything, just because you're not with the other parent doesn't mean communication shuts down and you shut the other parent out. It means you have open lines, especially when there's other step parents involved. Step parents don't have to be hated, hell ... ex wives don't have to be hated! Nor do ex girlfriends, but when there is a special mental disability happening that prevents the other parent from accomplishing what is in fact in the best interest of the child that bears the brick wall nobody ever wants to run into. So at the end of this wonderful day I'm communication that everything in fact needs to be in the best interest of the child.

Have a wonderful week guys!

Kristen

Feeling defeated is legit

Oh good afternoon my fellow step parents! It's come to my attention that my blog is reaching a lot of people! Including some people who aren't very satisfied with what I'm writing about. Well, go pound sand because I genuinely don't care! This blog is about fellow step parents and what were all going through as a group. My history with my step children are on here and while I don't enjoy bashing other parents it's an opportunity for other step parents to validate their feelings. While my situation is very unique in having three separate moms to have to deal with, I'm still a step mom. Other step parents have so many issues and are always so scared to talk about them. While were in and out of court I try to curb most information for court purposes but once this is all taken care of and done I can reveal more information. As for right now were scheduled for court tomorrow on December 1st for what's called a compliance review. Basically to make sure everyone is completing services they're supposed to complete and hopefully reunite my family and make that complete again. We did have parent teacher conferences with Leighas teacher which was really eye opening to a few situations. The great news is she's brilliant as we originally planned :) She's on a first grade reading level and excelling in every academic way. Looks like me turning her into a robot worked ;) You know the whole "don't rot your brain with TV and junk food" and getting Leigha her leap reader when she was younger, reading to her every night, doing site words with her. I guess "turning her into a robot" turned her into a brilliant little kid. Who woulda thought! Children who love to learn really need to be worked on, Leigha absolutely loved educational things. She looked forward to cleaning her room, she loved her books every night, she would come home from school and put her giant headphones on and get her leap reader out. Because that's what she LOVED. Especially with her ADHD that we pretty much controlled with her diet and educational activities. With Leigha having the ADHD she really needed to hone in on things she loved to do. I bought her a workbook and everynight she would work on coloring the upper case and lower case letters and staying in the lines. She would stay focused for HOURS. If she wasn't doing that she was eating dinner or in her room playing with her dress ups and kitchen set, or reading with her leap reader. Things like that use kids imaginations, they open their worlds to all kinds of things. Watching a child learn and encouraging them and giving them positive reinforcement really gives them so much self esteem. Leigha never came out to tell us she "hated herself" or her life. She really enjoyed everything we gave her and did for her. I potty trained her when she was not even three and right away she was fantastic, even over night. So at the end of the day I've had to climb every wall and fight every hostile person to be able to stand my ground as a step mom and help raise these wonderful children. All I can do is stick by my faith and pray that God knows exactly what's going to happen and he won't let myself or my husband sink. These children are amazing and can do incredible things in the future. Everything is in His hands, so let it happen :) 

have a great night guys!

Kristen

The thing about freedom of speech

Man! this has been a while! I missed you guys! I have gotten emails recently asking about my step daughters and how everyones been since I've been gnarly busy trying to just live life. So here I am! The thing about my blog is I've tried to make it a daily update on life and problems with parenting, co parenting, whatevs. The great thing about my blog is as a journalist I'm covered under freedom of speech. Now don't get me wrong, using full names or identifying people using their names or anything like that isn't really up my ally. But if you know me and my life and the people surrounding my life you'll get the gist of it you know? My life is a huge rollercoaster right now and having a blog brings me and other step parents together into a group much like a family. At the end of the day co parenting is tough, especially when the other parent refuses to co parent. Spitefulness and manipulation doesn't hurt anyone but your child at the end of the day. Any real parent knows they want to rid the chaos from their childs life, not continue or add to it. That's crazy! So I will continue my blog and continue about my life with my wonderful step daughters and keep the updates coming! Nothing too detrimental has happened recently, just the norm. Ashley is fully potty trained (at least at our home)! yay for big girl underwear! I remember when I potty trained Leigha, she was probably a little younger than ashley is now. I took the pull ups, threw them out, and put her in big girl undewear. she was so incredibly smart we barely had to do it. She had two accidents and she was good to go! Even overnight wasn't an issue, at least not until a few years later ... moving on. So now that Ashley is fully potty trained it's a bridge we've crossed and now we can start talking about bringing our own little one into the world! Not yet guys don't get too excited! But now that life seems to be settling down and things are moving in a good direction I can think about carrying my own child and raising my own child with my husband. I can't wait to incorporate my step daughters and my biological child or children. I love having one big family, it's such an awesome idea. Brianna and Ashley love hanging out together, you can really tell there's a sister bond there. Were still praying God keeps blessing us and moving those mountains for us to bring Leigha back home and get her back to a normal environment. Prayers guys! thanks! Leigha hasn't been doing fantastic the past few weeks but anyone who knows me on a daily basis knows the details of this and we just keep praying that something happens and someones eyes are opened and they bring her back to a safe, loving environment with therapy that's going to actually work. Meanwhile were coming up on the holidays! I'm so excited for thanksgiving and the familiy and the love the holidays bring. I did pretty awesome this year and started shopping for everyone in June. The girls have been done for a few weeks now and so has michael, I also got my in laws finished so it's just my family. My niece has a birthday party today to celebrate her third birthday! so excited to bring ashley to her party later and celebrate. Well have Ashley the day after christmas to celebrate that with her and our other family members. We did recently move in the past few months so we'll be celebrating in our new home! I recently got a raise at work and that's really exciting. I've been at the same hospital for over two years now and I'm so happy i've made that my home. Even though someone thought they had some sort of ... pull to get my fired haha. We see how that worked out! two years and counting! good try bud. I'm so excited to start this new year and really see what it has to bring to us. So thanks for checking on me guys, there's a quick update on what's happening in our lives. I'll be sure to post a little more often now and I hope you all have a great thanksgiving!!

Kristen

Hide your children ...

Raise your hands if you've ever thought about your children being kidnapped and there's nothing you can do about it. *hand raised*. it goes through every parents mind, you watch the lifetime movies, and the news stories and people have kids kidnapped and it's horrible. it's heartbreaking, it's terrible. You always try to do everything possible to keep your kids safe, put trackers on their phones, lock the doors and windows, set the alarm. What if i told you that you are more likely to open the door for the kidnapper and before you know it you're watching them take your kid? Unfortunately that's the reality of the world that Hillary Clinton has built for us. Hillary has made some really dumb decisions like Bill, probably not the cream of the crop choice for a husband. Also the Adoption and Safe families act of 1997. Has anyone actually read that act? Have you actually realized that there are now incentives to place children in foster homes? The lipstick on the pig tells you that it was designed to help children with special needs be adopted out of foster care, but has anyone asked how they got there in the first place? Previously in life when CPS took your child they gave you services and did everything to preserve the family and keep it together. Rehab if you must. This was Hillarys baby, this was such a great thing to partake in to just pave her road for her run for President. WRONG. it's a terrible act, they make the public believe that this was to show that they cared about the children and wanted the children to be happy. Example of this act in progress? My step daughter Leigha lived in our home for her entire life, when she was kidnapped by DYFS she went through multiple foster homes where her clothes were stolen and she was given rags. Then she was placed with her mother who's currently abusing heroin and refuses to take care of her. GREAT JOB HILL. This act has made it so CPS is moving quicker to terminate parental rights therefore dragging out the process *Que all the due process lawsuits* and not giving the parents the services required to reunite the children. Did you know that fifty to eighty percent of the child trafficking issues were foster children? That means they snatched these kids from their homes for asinine reasons and placed them in foster homes that were trafficking these children for money. *vomit in my mouth*. You know what else makes me want to projectile vomit? For every child CPS kidnaps from their homes that office gets a $4,000 bonus which trickles down to the specific worker that took them. Don't believe me? Email me and i'll show you the paychecks of the state worker that took Leigha and you'll see the $14,000 she got in bonuses for kidnapping kids. FOURTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS for stealing kids, which is why she gave no regard or emotion to stealing Leigha and putting her in foster care. Don't worry, they're state workers so their information is public record. Thank you OPRA. Moving onto something even more horrifying is the fact that when your child is involuntarily taken from you these foster care parents get stipends from the state obviously to take care of your child while in their care. You can determine if that actually happens, anyway, while getting these nice stipends from the state they can also take your now emotional, mourning, distraught, hard working self to court for child support! ARE YOU F***** KIDDING ME?! yup whats up with that state of NJ? Christie? Anyone out there? yup, they can serve you with a court order to pay for the childs healthcare and pay them money every week on top of getting their state stipend. So they're rolling in the dough for your child that you didn't even want to give up! On top of all of that if your child has mental issues or behavioral issues such as ADHD or ODD and require medication the state pays that family MORE money to take care of that child. And to think you don't have a damn choice in any of this, you raised this child. You bathed them, fed them, woke up in the middle of the night with them, they're YOUR child and you have no say in what happens. To end this horrifying series of events and back to my original statement of letting the kidnappers in your house and watching them take your kid. I've posted about this previously but they have this pretty piece of paper called the DODD order named after some idiot who played politician for Halloween one year. This piece of paper allows them to take your child because they think they're being harmed and give you a court date two days later where the court decides to uphold the removal or not. If they don't uphold it then it's all "my bad bro, here's your kid back". What? What part of that doesn't scream "thanks for violating my constitutional rights"? Que Alexander Hamilton rolling over in his grave. Last time I checked the constitution was the supreme law. Now it's just an old piece of paper that people laugh about because schools teach the absolute worst history on the document. They also don't prepare you for having your rights violated and nobody actually giving a shit about it. Sorry guys and girls, America has died. Read this blog entry and then read it again, then email it to your friends, family, nana, dog whoever. Because at the end of the day nobody thinks your child is going to be kidnapped by someone in a cheap suit and flats accusing you of smoking marijuana when you were twelve. It happens folks, prepare yourself because it happens everyday. My email is at the end of this blog for any questions or concerns regarding any of the material in this blog today. you have a question? I'll betcha i can answer it, you might even get a witty comeback! 

Have a great night ya'll and protect yo children!

Kristen


---> Email:
kgoeb07@hotmail.com

Liar Liar Pants On Fire

Good morning fellow step parents!

I had such an awesome weekend with my youngest step daughter Ashley i'm still happy about it! We went to Johnson's Farm for some pumpkin picking and lunch which was awesome. Every year she gets older the more awesome and exciting it gets! She loved the hay ride and walking around the field, she ended up piling all the pumpkins into a pile! haha it was really an awesome day. It's fantastic watching these little humans learn and grow and experience new things. Unfortunately the beginning of our day was not as happy, we pick Ashley up on Saturday mornings at 8:30 halfway between our house and her mothers house. I say her mothers house because she refuses to give us the address of where she's actually living with her boyfriend. That home consists of Ashley have no bed of her own, she has to sleep with them. She also has no room for herself, they live in an attic with some caged animal and all of his tattoo supplies. This has resulted in Ashley receiving two black eyes in the past year which is still a little shady on how she got both of them. So we've been trying to actively potty train for months now, we got the potty seat, the underwear, the rewards, the whole shabang. We put in her underwear, we deal with the accidents and we try to keep her going forward. Then she goes home to her mom for five days and sits in a diaper. And when I say she sits in a diaper i mean they put a diaper on her and she contracts yeast infections every week because they refuse to wipe her between changes. Gross, I know. Anyway so she shows up in her pajamas and no shoes because for some reason putting shoes on your toddler when leaving the house doesn't happen with them, were honestly lucky she had a jacket on. Anyway so she stinks like cigarettes, she's hysterically crying because her mother always says something to get her going like "i know but you have to go to your dads house" or "we can't go to the lake today because you have to go to your dads house" ultimately making mike the bad guy for wanting to spend time with his kid. SO not only does she stink but she has FOOD stuck to the side of her FACE from the previous night. W T F. So we go to my moms house and i get her cleaned up and get her into fresh clothes. As soon as I offered her yogurt and water in the car she was totally fine, she's not a brat, her mom is. we get all set and get some breakfast in us and off we went to pick pumpkins! She's obviously the sweetest little girl that we could have taken with us at that age. She was fine the whole time, even ate an entire hot dog! The rest of the weekend was fun, we went to church, hung out, did whatever, potty trained which she took to pretty well like normal. A few accidents but nothing horrible. We have hit this huge brick wall of Ashley continuously calling her moms boyfriend "daddy H***" (I'm not revealing his name) and actually calls mike that pretty consistently now. The kid is pretty obviously confused about who is who in her life. We've confronted her about this previously (as i'm sure you're all aware from previous posts) and she still just seems to not understand. The weirdest part about this weekend was sitting at the table and Ashley starts to tell us about a story where moms boyfriend hit mom. W T F. I won't get into details but if an almost three year old can tell me the things she told me I would believe it. On top of already knowing about the physical violence that has happened between them. Needless to say she's showing up with black eyes, yeast infections, crazy stories and not potty trained. For some reason her mom seems to not care. I've been pretty neutral in this entire thing for a long time just playing my step mom role but when does enough become enough? Not to mention as soon as Ashley saw her mom she immediately asked for her "passy". Now my sister in law took her daughters pacifier away a while back and my niece never asks for it, ever. As a matter of fact my new nephew has one and she still doesn't ask for hers. Because she knows she doesn't get one, how about that! Three years old and Ashley is still being given a pacifier, that's disgusting. Stop it, stop with the pacifier at three years old. We stopped giving it to her two years ago and she never asks us for one. So all in all, as well as WE'VE raised this child she still goes to a home full of violence and poor parenting. Who do you call for help? Because last time we called for help they tried to arrest me for child abuse. So you can't call the authorities what do you do? We could go back to court but that's a fifty fifty chance, who knows how the judge is that day. I'm just so frustrated this little girl is living in filth all day, with no baths, they don't even take the previous coat of nail polish off before they slap another coat on. Her ears are dirty and full of wax, her socks were destroyed and tore up (so we bought her another pack of socks). Her clothes are never the right size, the coat was a 4T! I just can't comprehend, why have children if you're not willing to take care of them? This is the end of my rant for this week, it was just so frustrating watching a mother who is not on drugs, make poor choices. A mother who is more concerned with her boyfriend and their relationship than the son she gave up and the daughter she refuses to take care of. Anyway, moving forward. Any comments, suggestions or just advice from any step parents is of course always welcome! Remember to stick together, step parents have a tough job! Keep it up and keep lovin' those babies :)

Have a blessed week guys

Kristen