Why being the stepmom is never going to be easy

Now, I say being the stepmom is never going to be easy but that's the rule and there are exceptions. There are situations where things are perfect but most times, they're not. 

I've been in situations where me and bio mom get along for a certain amount of time ... then we don't. And queue world war three! In my recent book "Coparenting as a stepmom" is such a great insight to all of this. Four years ago when I met my husband I literally thought "man this is great, he has kids and I love kids! WELL! With those kids came three different moms with three different personalities and lifestyles.

I have come to realize specifically in my situation and similar situations from women in my groups that bio moms can and will lie about anything and everything. Again this is the rule so it's not necessarily always true. I've been in this lifestyle for a while now and ultimately I do want what's best for my kiddos! I fully believe the noncustodial parent should pay child support but also think it shouldn't break the bank. As a stepmom, I can see all sides of the arena here. 

I've personally been under attack for a good two years now. I mean, people have called my job, my publications, I've gotten emails through my website for my photography business. It literally NEVER ends and if you're going to step into those stepmom shoes you're going to have to get thick skin cupcake. I've been called fat, a pig and all kinds of hurtful names. People have said, "Thank GOD your husband hasn't given YOU a child" as if it's some sort of coveted Christmas present! 

There will never be one time in your stepmom life where your life will be easy. And I'm sorry for that. People will tell you that you "chose" this life and that's very true. But you did not choose to be abused by other people. I've seen women walk away from this life and that's okay too. Most people don't have more than one ex-wife to deal with ... I have an ex-wife and two baby moms. I'm not really one to blast business especially on my blog and I won't start now but I will say you need to assume everything is a lie if you're in a similar situation. I gave so many chances to not lie and to give the benefit of the doubt, just to be taken advantage of. I give all stepmoms out there so much credit for dealing with that crap day in and day out.

I've had stepmoms rave about my blog because I say everything they're afraid to say. When you have a high conflict mom you just never know what's going to break that thin ice. You never want to cause conflict for your kids, you never want to come off hostile in front of them. At the end of the day, you're the evil stepmom! I honestly wear that hat with pride now, I'm cool with that. Becuase when we're in the car and my three-year-old says "Kristen, I just love you sooooo much" that's what makes all of that worth it. When she curls up in her huge bed at night with her nightlights, music and Christmas tree, she knows she's loved.

It's taken me four years to get ballsy enough to write this blog for all of you and I genuinely hope in the new year it continues to help all of you. Stepmoms worldwide have the same issues and that will make life difficult every day. You're this woman who walked into a man's life and that automatically made you the enemy. You're not alone! Bio moms can be assholes, and I apologize for that. I'm sorry you have to be attacked constantly by bitter, hostile women. I'm sorry you have to watch kids being used as ammunition. BUT, those kids DO love you. Don't ever doubt that! I promise you this may not get any better but you will learn how to deal with it. Put that stepmom hat on, bedazzle it and ROCK the crap out of it. You're a mom just as much as that bio mom girlfriend!

Kristen